Baby Please Come Home: Surviving The First 48 Hours
Whatever you do, don't boldly tell the discharge nurse that you already configured the car seat hardware when your only actual training was skimming a YouTube Short on 1.5x speed. I learned this the hard way while sweating profusely in...
The Real Deal on Baby Name Meanings Without Losing Your Mind
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant, sweating through a maternity tank top in the middle of July, when the great naming summit occurred in my living room. My mom looked me dead in the eye and said I needed to pick...
A Letter to My Past Self About This Whole Ozempic Babies Surprise
Dear Jess from six months ago. I see you sitting there on the cold tile of the guest bathroom floor, staring at that plastic stick while the washing machine thumps against the wall so hard it feels like an earthquake....
Saline Drops for Babies: Surviving the Midnight Snot Triage
The baby monitor is a liar. It amplifies every rustle of a sleep sack until it sounds like a break-in. But at two in the morning, the sound that actually pulls you from your REM cycle is the death rattle....
Why I Googled Sereia Baby And Other Naming Bugs We Caught
I slammed my laptop shut so fast I nearly pinched my own fingers in the aluminum chassis, knocking over my lukewarm coffee in the process. My wife looked up from her iPad, blinking at me across the kitchen table. It...
Debugging the Perfect New Baby Wish (Without Sounding Unhinged)
When my friend Dave's wife had a baby last month, I asked three different people what I should write in the card, which was my first mistake. My project manager told me to keep it strictly professional and focus on...
Figuring Out The MAGA Baby Savings Accounts Without Crying
Whatever you do, please don't open your laptop at 11:43 PM after half a glass of cheap Pinot Noir to try and calculate compounding interest for a four-year-old's theoretical college fund. I was sitting on the rug in Leo's nurseryβwearing...
The Lily Collins Baby Backlash and My Parenting Firmware Update
It was 6:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday in Portland, and I was staring at a lukewarm cup of coffee while my 11-month-old son aggressively tried to pull my beard out from the roots. I had managed to wrestle him...
The truth about claiming the Target baby registry welcome kit
My mother-in-law told me I had to physically march up to the customer service desk, show them my pregnancy app, and politely demand my gift bag. My best friend swore the whole thing was an internet myth because her local...