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A deeply tired father doing a desperate midnight sway in the kitchen

The Desperate Midnight Baby Boo Dance That Saved My Sanity

The linoleum of my kitchen floor is particularly hostile at 3:42 AM, a fact I was contemplating while aggressively swaying left-to-right with a screaming twin strapped to my chest. My shirt was damp with something I desperately hoped was only...

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A deeply tired dad holding a baby boy while attempting to make instant coffee

Raising a baby boi: When people expect a tiny, burly lumberjack

I'm currently holding my mate Dave’s six-month-old son at arm's length, waiting for the inevitable geyser of urine to subside. When you've twin girls, as I do, you get used to a certain radius of danger during nappy changes. With...

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An exhausted dad holding a baby outside Baby Blues Luncheonette in Brooklyn

How We Survived Baby Blues Luncheonette With An 11-Month-Old

We're standing on an uneven patch of Brooklyn concrete at 10:34 AM, and I'm sweating through my flannel shirt while trying to pretend I belong here. Inside the massive glass window, a guy in a vintage beanie is slowly, methodically...

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A mom inspecting a baby blanket for spiders in a garage

That Time I Found a Baby Black Widow in My Garage Nursery Stash

I was elbow-deep in a cracked Sterilite tub, breathing in that stale, hundred-degree Texas garage air, when a little pale thing dropped out of my oldest son’s 2T winter sweater. It didn’t look like much of anything at first. It...

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Stressed dad holding a meat thermometer next to an 11-month-old eating meat.

Yellowstone Panic, Iron Deficiencies, And Cooking A Baby Bison

I'm sweating entirely through my gray t-shirt. The ergonomic carrier is digging a trench into my left shoulder blade. My 11-month-old son is happily attempting to rip my nose off my face, completely oblivious to the threat matrix unfolding exactly...

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A stressed tired dad holding a medicine bottle at three in the morning

The absolute terrifying truth about baby aspirin 81 mg and your child

It was 3:14 in the morning. I know this because the glowing red numbers of the digital clock were burning into my retinas while Twin A screamed with the distinct, piercing octave reserved exclusively for a new molar. Twin B...

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Exhausted mom looking completely horrified at her glowing smartphone screen in the dark

The Baby Alien Fanbus Search That Completely Broke My Parent Brain

It was 2:14 in the freaking morning on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on our violently uncomfortable beige sectional wearing sweatpants that literally still had a crusty patch of Leo’s spit-up from circa 2020 on the left thigh. Maya,...

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A tired father looking confused at his newborn baby wrapped in an organic blanket.

Baby Alien Erome: Surviving The Extraterrestrial Phase

The most insidious lie peddled to expectant parents isn't that you'll eventually sleep again, or that you'll somehow maintain your pre-baby social life (you won't, and honestly, staying in is cheaper anyway). The biggest myth is that newborns arrive looking...

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Priya holding a stained baby one piece outfit next to a washing machine

The brutal code brown math of the baby 5 one piece outfit rotation

It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-January. The smell hits me before the crying even starts. I'm standing over the crib in the dark, and my three-month-old has somehow managed to paint himself, the sheets, and the wall behind...

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