Baby's On Fire By Die Antwoord: A Minivan Parenting Disaster
There I was, merging onto Highway 290 with a trunk full of melting H-E-B groceries and a two-year-old who had finally surrendered to sleep in his car seat, when the Bluetooth decided to get cute. I was listening to my...
Brilliant Baby Shower Game Ideas That Won't Make Guests Flee
I'm sitting on a terribly uncomfortable velvet pouf in a semi-detached house in Richmond, watching my wifeβwho's thirty-four weeks pregnant with twins and currently harboring the pelvic stability of a Jenga tower in an earthquakeβpretend she enjoys sniffing a nappy...
The Baby Shark Song Lyrics Broke My Brain (A Dad's Log)
The dashboard clock of my Subaru says 3:14 AM. I'm driving aimlessly down I-84 in the pouring Portland rain, the heater blasting a smell of stale coffee and desperation. The only thing keeping the 11-month-old in the backseat from initiating...
The Baby Park Survival Guide for Chronically Tired UK Parents
I'm currently crouched in the damp, questionable mulch of our local playground, forming a frantic human barricade around two tiny, drool-covered infants. To my left, a feral four-year-old is hurtling past wielding a half-eaten breadstick like a medieval javelin. To...
The Love Is Blind Megan Baby Drama Actually Makes Complete Sense
It's 3:14 AM. The kitchen floor is strangely sticky under my bare feet, and I'm furiously doomscrolling through an absolute hurricane of internet outrage with my thumb clamped over my phone's speaker so the autoplay videos don't wake the one...
Why a Proper Baby Bottle Brush Saved My Sanity (and Sleep)
Itβs 3:14 in the morning. Iβm standing in the pale, unforgiving glow of the microwave clock, holding a plastic cylinder that smells faintly of sour milk and utter despair. Upstairs in our cramped London flat, two identical two-year-old girls are...
Surviving the Absurdity of the High Street Baby Clothes Shop
The front door of βLittle Spindlesββan aggressively minimalist boutique in Islington that smells overwhelmingly of lavender and parental insecurityβwas exactly three inches narrower than my Out 'n' About double buggy. I know this because I spent an excruciating four minutes...
The Mattress Myth and Other Midnight Lies About Baby Congestion
At 2:14 a.m., holding a screaming infant who sounded remarkably like a broken accordion, I made the fatal mistake of consulting the internet. A very cheerful parenting forum told me I should simply prop up one end of my daughter's...
Surviving Baby Daycare: What I Believed vs What Actually Happened
I'm currently sitting in a 2014 Skoda Estate, engine off, staring blankly at a laminated sign that reads "Little Acorns" through a windscreen smeared with what I sincerely hope is just mashed banana. My twin daughters, Isla and Freya, are...