Magazine

Portland dad holding an eleven-month-old baby otter in a community swimming pool wrapped in a towel.

Debugging Infant Water Safety and the Sea Otter Parenting Method

I'm currently losing a wrestling match with a wet, angry noodle on a bench that smells aggressively of bleach. My eleven-month-old son has somehow managed to triple his body weight purely through the physics of being slippery, and the acoustic...

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Exhausted dad holding two toddlers while looking at a Spanish translation app on his phone

How to Say Baby in Spanish When You Are an Exhausted British Dad

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago. You're currently standing barefoot in the kitchen at a quarter to four in the morning, holding a cold piece of toast and aggressively typing into a language app while both girls scream in...

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A tired mother holding a teething baby while looking at her phone in a dim room.

Why raising a toddler feels exactly like domesticating a wild mammal

It was three in the morning and my son was slick with sweat, drool, and the unmistakable rage of a creature who had just discovered teeth. He was thrashing against my chest, refusing the bottle I was offering. I was...

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A messy baby eating a piece of corn on the cob in a high chair.

A Letter to My Past Self About Feeding Babies Corn & Poop Panic

Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently holding a soiled diaper under the bathroom nightlight, poking at a perfectly intact yellow kernel and wondering if you've fundamentally broken your third child's digestive tract. Put the diaper down, wash your...

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A heavily chewed cardboard book sitting next to a half-empty cup of cold coffee

The Great Baby Book Delusion: Expectations vs Actual Reality

I'm currently looking at a copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar that has been so thoroughly chewed, sucked, and dismantled by my twin two-year-old daughters that it looks less like a beloved piece of children's literature and more like something...

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Tired mom drinking cold coffee while her baby chews on a silicone panda teether

Doctor Boss Is My Baby Daddy and Other 3 AM Realities

Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, It's November 14th, 3:14 AM. You're sitting in the freezing corner of the nursery on that peeling faux-leather glider. You're wearing the grey Target nursing tank with the weird bleach stain on the...

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Toddler playing with soft building blocks on the floor

A letter to myself before I pressed play on that movie

Dear Priya from six months ago. Listen. Put down the television remote and step away from the streaming menu. I know it's eight in the evening, your toddler has been screaming about steering wheels since naptime, and you're operating on...

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Sleep-deprived dad staring at a Baby Brezza Bottle Washer Pro on a kitchen counter

Why the Baby Brezza Bottle Washer Pro ruined my kitchen sink

It's 3:14 AM. The yellow glow of the kitchen extractor fan is casting long, dramatic shadows across the worktop, and my left sleeve is completely soaked in tepid, sour-smelling milky water because I didn't roll it up high enough. I'm...

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Confused dad holding twin toddlers and looking at a smartphone

What I Learned When I Googled the Meaning of Baby Booter

There I was, scraping what I can only assume was fossilised Weetabix off the kitchen skirting board, while my twin daughters, Maya and Zoe, were busy conducting a very loud, off-beat symphony with two wooden spoons and a saucepan. They...

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