Looking for Baby Goats for Sale in Cobleskill? Read This
I'm currently hiding in the downstairs loo while my two-year-old twin daughters attempt to dismantle a perfectly good Amazon box in the hallway, and I'm furiously scrolling through listings for baby goats for sale in cobleskill on my phone. You...
Why I Completely Misjudged The Baby Shower Word Search As A Dad
I was sitting in a folding chair in our Portland backyard, balancing a paper plate of half-eaten potato salad on my knee, staring at a grid of 144 random letters on a piece of recycled cardstock. Across the yard, Sarah's...
Dear Past Marcus: Debugging The Extraterrestrial Baby Phase
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're staring at the night vision feed on the Nanit monitor like it's a security camera at a haunted house. His eyes are open. They're glowing an iridescent, terrifying white because of the...
The Truth About Giving Your Baby Pickles for the Very First Time
It was August 2017, and we were in my brother-in-lawβs backyard for a family barbecue. I was standing there, sweating through a stained maternity tank top that I absolutely should have retired three months prior, balancing a seven-month-old Leo on...
Learning Baby I Love Your Way Chords Fixed Our Broken Bedtime
At 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, my daughter's sleep architecture completely collapsed. We were eleven months into this parenting experiment, and Maya was standing in her crib, shaking the rails like a tiny inmate demanding to speak to the warden....
Dear Past Marcus: Please Stop Panicking About Baby Swiss Cheese
You're standing in the glowing light of the open fridge. It's 2:13 AM on a Tuesday. You have a block of sharp cheddar in your left hand and your phone in your right, aggressively cross-referencing milligrams of sodium on a...
Why navigating baby shower chair rentals nearly broke my spirit
It was pouring with rain, naturally, because this is London, and I was wedged firmly between our Victorian front doorframe and a fifty-seven-inch-tall wicker peacock chair. My wife, Sarah, who was approximately eight hundred months pregnant with the twins at...
Did Ed Gein Kill The Baby Sitter? A Dad's Late-Night Search
11:43 PM. The glow of the television is casting a sickly blue light across our living room, illuminating an abandoned silicone teething ring and a half-drank bottle of formula. Sarah is asleep on the couch, her head resting at an...
The Absurd Reality of Hunting for a December 9 Beanie Baby
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Tuesday, holding a 1998 plush dragon by its tail like it was a dead rat. She informed me, with the solemnity of a war general, that placing any soft toy within a...