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Surviving the "Don't You Want Me Baby" Guilt Trip From Relatives
We were sitting in our Portland living room on exactly Day 12 of parenthood when the first breach of our perimeter occurred. My wife Sarah was exhausted, practically vibrating with postpartum adrenaline, and our daughter was finally asleep on her...
The brutal truth about catering for heavily pregnant women
At my own party, I stood at the edge of my sister-in-law's patio staring at a three-foot wooden board covered in prosciutto, unpasteurized brie, and what looked like homemade mayonnaise dip. My mother-in-law nudged my elbow. Beta, you need to...
Dear Me: The Unvarnished Truth About Raising a Baby Kitten
Dear Sarah from six months ago. You're currently standing in your kitchen at 4:15 PM on a Tuesday, wearing those grey Target sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh, holding a damp cardboard box. Your four-year-old, Leo,...
The Truth About the Baby Boomers Years and Grandparenting
I was standing over the kitchen sink, scraping congealed mac and cheese off a plastic plate with my fingernail, when I heard my mom tell my oldest, "Here you go, baby boo, let's just put a little extra blanket in...
When The Grandparents Bring Over Their 1980s Death Trap Baby Gear
I was wearing my husbandβs stained grey sweatpants, the ones with the mysterious hole near the left knee, standing in my driveway at 10 AM on a Tuesday while clutching a mug of coffee I had already microwaved three times....
My chaotic guide to finding an orphaned baby squirrel in your yard
The wind in Chicago in April is basically a personal insult. I was already standing in the kitchen watching my toddler have a full-scale meltdown because his morning banana had the audacity to break in half. I was mentally calculating...
What I Learned Debugging Life With Baby Pigs
I'm currently sitting on the kitchen linoleum at 3:14 AM with a laser thermometer in one hand and a syringe of milk replacer in the other. My 11-month-old daughter is finally asleep upstairs after a brutal teething episode, and I'm...
The truth about a baby horse, toddler safety, and fairy hooves
Three people gave me completely conflicting advice when my toddler developed a sudden, violent obsession with farm animals. My mother-in-law claimed children and equines share a psychic bond that transcends language. My old charge nurse from the pediatric trauma unit...
Why The Simone Biles Baby Rumors Make Me Rethink Family Boundaries
My mother-in-law was hovering a forkful of heavily buttered mashed potatoes in mid-air when she casually asked if we had started trying for "the sequel" yet, which is a genuinely wild thing to ask someone who hasn't slept for a...