Dear past Priya: The brutal reality of the circus baby phase
Listen. It's Tuesday night, you're sitting in the dark of our cramped Chicago living room, and the baby finally went down after forty-five minutes of heavy rocking. You're holding a lukewarm mug of chai, staring at the harsh glow of...
The Boss Baby PNG Invite Crisis and Other Parenting Dad Bugs
2:14 AM. The cursor blinks at me mockingly. I'm staring at a layer mask in my photo editing software that's systematically failing its primary objective. The biggest myth they sell you in the hospital discharge paperwork isn't about infant sleep...
Finding The Best Baby Toys That Won't Make You Totally Insane
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November. I know this because my brain permanently recorded the exact time of my near-death experience. I was wearing my husband Daveβs horribly stained gray sweatpants from a 2012 Turkey Trot, holding...
The Hard Truth About Beanie Babies Worth: A Letter to Past Me
Dear Jess of six months ago. Right now, you're standing in the gravel driveway in your pajama pants, squinting in the Texas sun, watching your mom's Honda CR-V idle while she wrestles three massive, dust-caked Rubbermaid tubs out of the...
The Strange Logic of Beanie Babies Birthdays & Safe Sleep
It was exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the pale, unforgiving light of the open refrigerator, holding a slightly dusty, bright pink plush platypus inside a gallon-sized Ziploc bag. My 11-month-old was finally asleep after...
My Honest Review of the Fisher-Price Laugh and Learn Baby Toys
"Buy the talking dog, it taught your cousin to count," my mom texted me on a Tuesday morning while I was trying to compile code. "Don't let that plastic nightmare into your house, it'll literally nuke his dopamine receptors," my...
The Late-Night Reality of Setting Up That Baby Miko Robot
It's 11 PM on a Tuesday. I'm sitting cross-legged on my living room rug, holding a microscopic reset pin, violently whispering at a plastic screen that keeps telling me it's thinking. My toddler is asleep in the next room, completely...
Dear Past Me: What I Wish I Knew About Buying a Baby Piano
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're hiding in the walk-in pantry, sitting on a sack of jasmine rice, pretending to look for the good coffee while actually just trying to escape the...
Decoding the True Meaning of Baby (And Other Strange Slang)
I just had to explain the concept of nepotism over FaceTime while my 11-month-old attempted to eat a rogue USB-C cable. My mother-in-law had seen some hashtag on Twitter and wanted to know what the kids were talking about, which...