The Impossible Task of Finding a Baby Winter Hat That Stays On
We're in the parking lot of the Skokie Target. It's twelve degrees outside, which in Chicago math with the wind chill feels like negative four hundred. Leo is maybe six months old. I'm shivering in yoga pants with a hardened...
Why The Go Baby Justin Bieber Song Is Exactly What Moms Need
My mother-in-law told me to "sleep when the baby sleeps" while giving my messy, laundry-covered living room this highly specific, terrifying side-eye. The hospital lactation consultant, a woman whose hands smelled violently of industrial sanitizer, instructed me to feed on...
How to Nail a Baby Luigi Look Without Toxic Polyester Crap
I was sitting on the sticky laminate floor of our hallway at 4 PM on a Tuesday, drinking aggressively room-temperature coffee out of a chipped mug, trying to peel my screaming six-month-old out of a licensed character costume. The biggest...
Note to Self: That Premium Sewing Machine Won't Fix Your Sleep Depr...
You're currently staring at a pile of blowout-ruined sleep sacks at three in the morning, holding a pair of dull kitchen scissors and convinced you can upcycle them into a quilt. Put the scissors down, Priya. I'm writing this to...
Why The "Goldie Baby Porn" Search Hijack Changed How I Parent
It was exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub in those gray fleece sweatpants that have completely lost their waistband elasticity, furiously deleting three years' worth of Instagram photos with a...
Nuclear Bomb vs Coughing Baby: A Late Night Letter to Myself
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold, cheap linoleum of the master bathroom with the shower running on full-blast hot, peeling the beige wallpaper right off the drywall while you rock a sweaty, angry six-month-old...
Lil Baby The Leaks: Stop Diaper Blowouts (Not The Rap Album)
"Just put a rubber band around the waist," my grandmother told me over the phone while I was standing completely frozen in my living room, knee-deep in something that looked exactly like stadium mustard. "Or switch to that expensive bamboo...
Taking Parenting Advice From A Kardashian (And Why It Actually Worked)
It was exactly 3:14 AM, the digital clock on the humidifier was burning red into my retinas, and I was sitting cross-legged on the nursery floor holding a pair of heavy-duty kitchen shears. The baby was doing that terrifying, silent...
Confessions of dressing my toddler in the teenage dirtbag trend
2:14 AM. The bedroom smells faintly of sour milk and desperation. The Wheatus audio loops on my screen for the forty-seventh time. I watch another exhausted mother transition from a photo of her wearing studded belts and smeared black eyeliner...