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Surviving the Absurdity of the High Street Baby Clothes Shop
The front door of βLittle Spindlesββan aggressively minimalist boutique in Islington that smells overwhelmingly of lavender and parental insecurityβwas exactly three inches narrower than my Out 'n' About double buggy. I know this because I spent an excruciating four minutes...
Why My 2 AM Fleece Disaster Sparked a Bamboo Clothing Obsession
It was 3:14 AM. I know this because the glowing red numbers of our cheap digital clock were literally burning into my retinas while I paced the hallway holding a thrashing, screaming six-month-old Leo. I was wearing Dave's old college...
The Real Truth About Buying A Graphic Baby Tee Without The Rash
My mom took one look at the retro Snoopy shirt I bought for my third baby and flat-out told me the plastic ink would give him a rash so I should throw it in the trash immediately. My mother-in-law, bless...
Surviving Baby Clothing Stores Without Losing Your Damn Mind
It was 7:45 PM on a random Tuesday in 2016, and I was standing in aisle four of one of those massive, fluorescent-lit baby clothing stores, eight months pregnant with Maya, sweating through a mustard-stained maternity tank top. My husband,...
The Heaviest Baby Ever Born: Ultrasound Lies And My Giant Kid
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant with Leo, sitting on crinkly white paper in a freezing cold exam room, wearing a pair of gray maternity leggings that I had definitely spilled iced coffee on earlier that morning. My ultrasound tech, a...
The Real Story Behind Buying Safe Baby Clothes Without Going Broke
It was three in the morning back in 2019, and I was sitting on the cracked linoleum of our laundry room floor with a pair of orange craft scissors, literally cutting a polyester sleep-and-play off my screaming firstborn. Leo was...
The Honest Parent's Guide to Surviving Carhartt Baby Clothes
It's a freezing Tuesday in November 2018, and I'm standing in the middle of a disgustingly hip baby boutique in Portland, Oregon, wearing yoga pants that haven't seen an actual yoga studio since Obama was in office. I'm clutching a...
A clueless dad's guide to buying Nike baby shoes and apparel
We're at Washington Park in Portland, and the temperature is exactly 62.4 degrees. The sky has that flat, gray, overcast quality that makes for decent smartphone photos, which is great, because I've dressed my 11-month-old son like a backup dancer...
The Honest Truth About Nike Baby Clothes and Sizing
When I was pregnant with my first, I got sat down at my own baby shower and given three entirely different lectures on how to dress a newborn. My mom, bless her heart, insisted babies only need those white cotton...