Magazine

A frustrated dad trying to put tiny pink shades on an incredibly uncooperative toddler

Why putting tiny shades on twins feels like a hostage negotiation

I'm currently crouched behind the garden shed, clutching a pair of miniature, neon-pink plastic frames like they're a live grenade, trying to figure out which of my two-year-old daughters is least likely to bite me if I approach her face....

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Sarah holding a cold coffee while her toddler runs pantsless down the hallway

Navigating Baby Steps Nudity and Family Privacy (And Pants)

It was 7:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my entryway wearing a stained NYU sweatshirt from 2009, holding a mug of coffee that had already gone cold because I’d left it on the bathroom counter for...

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A wooden baby play gym set with crochet hanging toys against a white background

The Baby Steps Game Disaster and How to Actually Teach Walking

It was somewhere around 3:17 in the morning, a time that I'm increasingly convinced exists solely to punish parents for their past life choices. Maya, the slightly more reasonable of my two-year-old twin daughters, was fast asleep in her cot,...

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A messy baby eating avocado toast instead of processed snacks

The Giant Myth About Baby Snacks And What I Actually Feed Them

I was standing in aisle four at Target on a Tuesday at like, 10:45 AM, wearing a nursing tank with a spit-up stain shaped exactly like Florida, holding a six-dollar canister of organic kale-infused star puffs. Maya was eight months...

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Exhausted mom attempting to tie a long fabric baby sling while holding a crying infant in a messy kitchen.

Why My Humiliating First Attempt At A Baby Sling Made Me Cry

It was exactly 4:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing barefoot on the cold kitchen linoleum, sobbing quietly while trying to maneuver twenty feet of stretchy grey fabric around my torso. Maya was exactly three weeks old, screaming...

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A heavily scrutinised spread of baby shower food on a buffet table.

How to Serve Baby Shower Food Without Poisoning the Mother

There's a pervasive, Pinterest-fueled lie that catering a baby shower is an exercise in elegant pastel minimalism involving delicate cucumber sandwiches and unbothered women laughing in sunlit rooms. It's actually a high-stakes hostage negotiation with bacteria where one wrong slice...

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A partially unwrapped chocolate peanut nougat candy bar next to a toddler silicone bib.

Dear Me: The Truth About Giving A Baby Ruth Candy Bar To A Toddler

October 31st, 11:30 PM. The kid is finally asleep. You're sitting on the living room floor surrounded by a mountain of plastic pumpkin loot. You unwrap a baby ruth candy bar. You look at it. You think about how your...

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A confused dad looking at his phone while an 11-month-old baby plays on a wooden gym.

The Baby Ruth Conundrum: Candy Hazards & Expert Parenting Truths

Last Tuesday, my mother casually suggested I rub some whiskey on my 11-month-old's swollen gums and hand him a chunk of a baby ruth candy bar to chew on while I made dinner. Two hours later, my neighborβ€”a veteran dad...

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Exhausted mom staring anxiously at a baby rocker in a messy kitchen

Why I Stopped Trusting the Box My Baby Rocking Chair Came In

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I was standing in my dark kitchen wearing a nursing bra that smelled aggressively like sour milk and Dave’s oversized college sweatpants, staring at this beige, gently vibrating infant seat...

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