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baby gearbaby safetybaby sleepmotherhoodnew bornparenting humour
Sleep deprived mom staring at a mechanical baby swing in a dark living room

What I Wish I Knew Before Buying That Magical Baby Swing

It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing a pair of Target maternity leggings from 2014 that smell aggressively like sour milk, holding a lukewarm mug of yesterday’s coffee, just absolutely paralyzed while...

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A beautifully styled baby shower gift basket sitting on a wooden table

Baby Shower Games That Won't Make Your Guests Cringe

I was thirty-five weeks pregnant with my oldest, feet swollen into the shape of overcooked sausages, sitting on a floral armchair in a rural Texas living room while my mother-in-law's friend Brenda aggressively inhaled a microwaved Snickers bar smeared inside...

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A tired mom holding a cup of coffee while looking at baby clothes

The Only Things You Actually Need For A New Baby (And What To Skip)

"You absolutely need the wipe warmer," my sister-in-law hissed across the table, leaning in like she was giving me state secrets. "If a cold wipe touches that baby's bottom, you'll never sleep again." "Don't buy anything," my hippie neighbor countered...

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Twin baby girl in organic cotton onesie commando crawling toward a dog bowl

The Exact Moment My Twin Girls Decided to Become Fully Mobile

I was halfway through a tepid mug of Yorkshire tea when I heard the distinct sound of a skull making soft, rhythmic contact with cheap Swedish MDF. It was Tuesday, approximately 10:14 AM, and Mia had finally discovered how to...

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baby gearbaby registrybudgetingnewbornparenting humourtwin dad
Tired dad staring at a massive pile of baby items from a Target registry

The Truth About Target’s Baby Registry From a Tired Dad

I'm standing in our London flat at 2am, holding an iPad my American mother-in-law mailed across the Atlantic, staring at a digital spreadsheet that's fifty rows deep in burp cloths alone. My wife is asleep on the sofa, heavily pregnant...

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baby sleepbudgeteco-friendlyparenting humoursurvivaltwin dad
A tired father holding a baby while looking at financial spreadsheets on a laptop

My 3 AM Million Dollar Baby Obsession

It's 2:47 AM on a Tuesday. I'm sitting on the nursery floor wearing a hoodie that smells faintly of regurgitated sweet potato, trying to rock one of my twin daughters back to sleep while her sister aggressively kicks the cot...

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A frustrated dad staring at a laptop screen filled with a spreadsheet of baby names

The Google Sheet That Nearly Broke Us: A Guide to Baby Girl Names

Row 47 of our shared Google Sheet was where my marriage nearly met its untimely end over the name 'Blythe'. My wife, heavily pregnant and radiating a sort of exhausted menace, argued that it sounded literary and sophisticated. I argued...

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Twin toddlers looking aggressively demanding while sitting in high chairs

Living With a Real Life Boss Baby: Who Is Actually in Charge?

Before the twins were born, my mother-in-law tapped her teacup and said, "Establish dominance early, Tom, or they'll walk all over you." Two days later, a bloke at the Dog & Duck assured me, "Just let 'em cry, mate, show...

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Tired mother looking at a glowing television screen in the dark

That Midnight Streaming Trap Every Tired Parent Nearly Falls For

My phone lit up the nursery at 2:14 AM like a localized lightning strike. I was currently covered in what I hoped was just formula, trying to rock a teething toddler back to baseline. The text was from Sarah in...

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