Magazine

A bewildered dad holding a coffee while looking at a smartphone screen.

The Baby Gronk Illusion and What It Means for Normal Parents

It was exactly 5:43 AM. I was sitting on a suspiciously sticky silicone weaning mat on the living room floor, clutching a lukewarm cup of instant coffee, watching a young boy push a weighted metal sled across an astroturf field...

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Baby in an organic cotton bodysuit kicking in a wooden floor bouncer

What I Got Completely Wrong About My First Baby Bouncer Seat

It was a Tuesday at like, 2 PM, and I was sitting on the damp bath mat in my tiny apartment bathroom, wearing a stained gray nursing bra and exactly one sock. Leo was three and a half weeks old....

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A very tired dad staring at a Swedish bouncing baby chair in the kitchen

Dear Past Marcus: You Need a Baby Bjorn Bouncer Immediately

Past Marcus, it's me. You from six months in the future. You're currently standing in the kitchen of our Portland apartment at 3:14 AM. The baby is five weeks old. It's raining outside, obviously. You're trying to rock him while...

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A tired twin dad holding two babies who are chewing on their organic cotton clothes.

The Great Baby Myth And Other Delightful Lies We Tell New Parents

At precisely 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, while scraping what I desperately hoped was mashed sweet potato off the nursery ceiling, I realised the central lie of modern parenting. Before the twins arrived, well-meaning relatives and aggressively pastel-coloured books...

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Twin dad holding a red-faced screaming baby in a dim living room

Surviving the 6pm Meltdown: A Very Tired Dad's Guide to Colic

The absolute worst thing you can do at 6:13 PM on a Tuesday, when your infant begins their nightly impersonation of a faulty car alarm, is to load up YouTube on your phone, prop it against a cold cup of...

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Toddler boy aggressively putting a hat on a lifelike silicone baby doll on a messy living room rug

Why a Creepy Lifelike Baby Doll Saved My Sanity With Sibling Prep

I was sitting on my incredibly stained West Elm rug at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, wearing maternity leggings that definitely had dried yogurt on the left thigh, watching my three-year-old son Leo attempt a WWE-style suplex on...

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Exhausted young mother looking at a massive pile of bright plastic toys from grandparents

Surviving the Baby Boomer Years of Grandparenting

Don't, under any circumstances, politely accept the garbage bag full of your own crusty childhood stuffed animals just because your mom has misty eyes. I did this when my oldest was born, and let me tell you, it was a...

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A very tired dad holding two crying babies while trying to drink cold coffee

Surviving the "Pretty Little Baby" Illusion (And Other Newborn Real...

I'm standing in the poorly lit postnatal ward of a central London hospital, staring at what looks like two furious, bruised potatoes. My wife is completely unconscious, having just performed a biological miracle that looked exactly like a medical emergency,...

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A frustrated mom looking at shrunken baby laundry on a drying rack

The Truth About Expensive Bamboo Sleep Sacks And The Laundry

The biggest lie the internet tells new mothers is that spending fifty bucks on a piece of magical fabric will buy you a full night of uninterrupted sleep. It was 11 PM on a random Tuesday in 2019, I was...

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