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A tired dad staring in horror at a television screen

Why the voice remote caused a Sunday morning toddler meltdown

I was halfway through pouring a deeply inadequate cup of instant coffee when I heard the unmistakable, booming sound of a cinematic explosion coming from the living room. Let me set the scene: 6:14 am on a Sunday. I hadn't...

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A small plastic figurine sitting next to a slice of colorful frosted pastry on a wooden table.

Debugging The King Cake Baby Hazard: A Warning To My Past Self

Dear Marcus of six months ago: Put the fork down. Back away from the pastry. I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting at the kitchen island in the Portland rain, staring at a slice of aggressively colored purple,...

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Dad looking confused at his phone while an 11-month-old baby rolls on a wooden play gym

My Massive Mistake With the Lil Baby Freestyle Playlist Search

The Sonos speaker in our living room was blinking white, which meant it was finally connected to my phone and ready to receive data. My 11-month-old son was sitting on the rug, staring blankly at the wall, waiting for some...

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A wooden push toy sitting in a messy living room next to a cold cup of coffee

The Only Sane Guide to Finding the Best Baby Walker Right Now

When Maya was eight months old, we went to a family barbecue where I received three entirely different lectures about baby mobility in the span of twenty minutes. My mother-in-law cornered me by the potato salad to insist that I...

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Mother laughing while her baby plays with a simple wooden toy under the tree

Surviving Baby's First Christmas (Without Losing Your Mind)

I was on my hands and knees under the dining room table at six in the morning, trying to fish a soggy clump of metallic green wrapping paper out of my oldest son's throat while he screamed like a banshee....

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Exhausted dad looking at baby monitor showing a blurry 11-month-old standing in a crib in the dark.

When Your Kid Goes Full Baby Yaga: A Very Tired Dad's Guide

The Nanit camera app on my phone says it's exactly 3:14 AM. My battery is hovering at 12%, and the ambient room temperature is holding steady at 68.4 degrees only because I spent forty minutes calibrating the smart vent system...

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A bewildered dad looking at his phone while a baby plays on a wooden gym

I Spent Three Hours Researching The Baby Tron (It’s Not A Stroller)

I had my credit card resting on my laptop keyboard, three browser tabs open to tech review sites, and was aggressively searching for the firmware update logs for something called the "baby tron." My teenage nephew had mentioned it at...

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Mom holding her toddler outside safely near a parked truck (max 125 chars)

The Truth About the Lydia Plath Baby Rumors & Sibling Roles

Don't ever let your four-year-old think he runs the nursery, and definitely don't believe a single thing you read on the internet at two in the morning. That was the harsh lesson I learned this week while scrolling through my...

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Toddler pointing at a tiny spiderling in a plastic container on a kitchen counter

Spiders, toddlers, and the absolute chaos of eight-legged pets

My brother-in-law told me a spiderling is the perfect first pet because it teaches quiet observation. My son's preschool teacher said bringing an arachnid into a house with a toddler is basically child endangerment. The guy at the local reptile...

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