Magazine

A tiny baby hummingbird resting safely on a green leaf outdoors

Dear Jess: What I Wish I Knew Before the Baby Hummingbird Incident

Dear Jess of last May, put down the plastic eye dropper and step away from the kitchen counter before you inadvertently commit a federal wildlife crime. Right now, the baby is strapped to your sweaty chest in the carrier, the...

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A tired dad holding a hiccuping baby against his shoulder

My Infant Is Glitching: The Truth About Those Endless Hiccups

It's 3:14 AM, and I'm staring at my phone's stopwatch, logging the exact intervals between my son's chest spasms. Every 4.2 seconds, his entire eleven-pound body jerks like a poorly coded physics engine that can't figure out gravity. He doesn't...

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Stressed dad looking at a laptop while holding a squirmy baby

Why I Stopped Debugging My Baby's Percentile Data

The crinkly paper on the exam table was already shredded by the time Dr. Evans walked in with her tablet. Baby G, completely naked except for a very heavy diaper, was violently executing a series of bicycle kicks against my...

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Exhausted British dad looking at a laptop spreadsheet of rare daughter monikers while holding two bottles.

My 3am breakdown over finding genuinely rare monikers for daughters

It was 3:14 in the morning, the glow of my MacBook illuminating the half-eaten Hobnob resting dangerously close to my wife's massive, third-trimester bump. We were locked in a vicious, whispered argument over whether "Lyra" sounded too much like "liar"...

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A confused dad holding twin girls looking at a small wild canine in a garden

Surviving a baby coyote encounter with jetlagged twin toddlers

It was 4:17 in the morning in suburban California, and I was losing my mind. We had foolishly decided to drag our two-year-old twin girls on a twelve-hour flight from Heathrow to Los Angeles to visit my wife's brother, operating...

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Mom holding a baby in a simple brown organic cotton bodysuit with felt ears

Why I Stopped Buying $45 Polyester Baby Pumpkins (And What I Do Now)

There I was, sitting on the porch steps in the humid Texas heat, trying to pry a screaming six-month-old out of a rigid polyester pumpkin suit that somehow didn't have a single snap at the crotch. My oldest daughterβ€”who's now...

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A cautious dad inspecting a grassy backyard for baby snakes while his twin toddlers play safely on an elevated wooden deck

Surviving the American baby copperhead panic as a clueless dad

The humidity in North Carolina in late August is a physical assault, the kind of oppressive heat that makes your clothes feel like a wet apology. I was standing on my American in-laws' patio, clutching a rapidly melting gin and...

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Exhausted mom drinking coffee while wearing a newborn in a stretchy fabric sling

My worst newborn day and how a baby carrier wrap saved my sanity

It was 4:13 PM on a Tuesday in late November, and I was wearing maternity leggings with an unidentified, crusty white stain on the left thigh. Leo was four weeks old and currently doing that purple-faced, breathless scream that makes...

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Exhausted father staring at a baby name book while holding a cup of lukewarm tea.

The Absurd Quest for Baby Boy Names Unique Enough Not to Be Steve

My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle at week twelve of the pregnancy to insist that strong, traditional English names like Arthur or George were the only guaranteed way to prevent a child from a life of petty criminality, while...

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