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The babies only survival guide for the newborn trenches
Listen. You're standing in the hospital parking lot, staring at a seven-pound human strapped into a car seat that looks like a NASA prototype, and you're realizing the discharge nurse actually let you leave. They just wheeled you out and...
The Panic of Buying Sunblock Newborn Twins Can Actually Tolerate
Standing in aisle four of our local Boots, sweat pooling in the small of my back, I found myself staring at thirty-seven different brightly coloured bottles while two four-week-old girls actively lost their minds in a double buggy. The great...
Let's sort out that baby acne on face without losing our minds
I was exactly three weeks postpartum, running on half a REM cycle and cold leftover chai, when I noticed the first angry red bump near my son's nose. By the time my husband got home from his shift at the...
The Nightly Bubble Bath Lie and Finding Safe Soap for Babies
I was standing in the middle of a Target aisle at eight o'clock at night with spit-up down my back, staring blankly at a giant wall of purple, lavender-scented bottles promising me the world. My firstborn was three months old,...
Debugging a Midnight Panic: The Harlequin Baby Mix-Up Explained
Don't, under any circumstances, type the phrase "harlequin baby" into your phone at 3:14 AM while your infant is sleeping on their side. Just trust me on this one. I was sitting in the nursery rocking chair, running on maybe...
Dear Past Me: The Truth About Aquaphor Baby and Drool Rashes
You're standing in aisle fourteen of the Target on Roosevelt Road, holding a tub of regular healing ointment in your left hand and the infant version in your right. It's two in the morning. Your daughter is at home with...
Dear Past Tom: The Truth About Achieving That Baby Smoove Skin
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold tiles of the downstairs loo at 3:14 AM, the only room in the house where you can turn on a light without waking your wife or the twins....
Why Baby Face Nelson Has Nothing on My Toddler
It's 4:17 in the morning, and the glowing screen of my phone is illuminating half of my face while the other half is being rhythmically kicked by a two-year-old foot. I'm frantically trying to Google why one of my twin...