Magazine
How to Serve Baby Shower Food Without Poisoning the Mother
There's a pervasive, Pinterest-fueled lie that catering a baby shower is an exercise in elegant pastel minimalism involving delicate cucumber sandwiches and unbothered women laughing in sunlit rooms. It's actually a high-stakes hostage negotiation with bacteria where one wrong slice...
My Brutally Honest Guide To Surviving The Baby Shower Cake Drama
I was thirty-three weeks pregnant with Maya, wearing a navy blue floral maternity wrap dress from Target that was actively cutting off the circulation to my ribs. It was 2:15 PM on a sweltering Sunday in July, I was sweating...
Surviving The Baby Shoe Size Chart Without Losing Your Sanity
The rain was lashing against the window of the shoe shop on Oxford Street, creating a deeply depressing backdrop for what was rapidly becoming the worst Tuesday of my life. Twin B (Evie) was actively trying to consume a damp...
Dear Me: The Truth About Giving A Baby Ruth Candy Bar To A Toddler
October 31st, 11:30 PM. The kid is finally asleep. You're sitting on the living room floor surrounded by a mountain of plastic pumpkin loot. You unwrap a baby ruth candy bar. You look at it. You think about how your...
The Baby Ruth Conundrum: Candy Hazards & Expert Parenting Truths
Last Tuesday, my mother casually suggested I rub some whiskey on my 11-month-old's swollen gums and hand him a chunk of a baby ruth candy bar to chew on while I made dinner. Two hours later, my neighborβa veteran dad...
Why I Stopped Trusting the Box My Baby Rocking Chair Came In
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I was standing in my dark kitchen wearing a nursing bra that smelled aggressively like sour milk and Daveβs oversized college sweatpants, staring at this beige, gently vibrating infant seat...
My 3 AM Kitchen Panic: Finding Baby Roaches Near the Bottles
It was exactly 3:14 in the morning. I know this because my eyes were burning holes into the neon green numbers on the microwave clock while I stood completely frozen on the cold kitchen tiles. I was wearing these hideous,...
Wait, How Old is Baby Gronk? (And Other Parenting Anxieties)
My wife caught me measuring the exact distance between our coffee table and the dog bed with a laser tape measure while our 11-month-old gnawed enthusiastically on a rogue piece of cardboard he'd found behind the router. "I'm setting up...
How To Relieve Constipation In Babies Quickly (Without Panicking)
Dear Tom of eighteen months ago. You're currently standing in the kitchen at 3:17 AM, illuminated only by the aggressive LED glow of the microwave clock, holding a completely rigid infant. Mayaβs face is the exact shade of a Royal...