Why I Stopped Buying $45 Polyester Baby Pumpkins (And What I Do Now)
There I was, sitting on the porch steps in the humid Texas heat, trying to pry a screaming six-month-old out of a rigid polyester pumpkin suit that somehow didn't have a single snap at the crotch. My oldest daughterβwho's now...
System Failure: Searching for Baby Clothes Near Me in Portland
The sound was suspiciously similar to a ketchup bottle emptying its final contents, but we were miles from a diner and my eleven-month-old daughter was entirely too pleased with herself. We were at Mt. Tabor park, I was trying to...
The truth about baby bump timelines and why apps lie to you
I was standing in our kitchen holding a retractable Stanley tape measure against my wife's stomach, trying to log exactly how many centimeters her abdomen had grown since the previous Tuesday. She looked down at me like I was trying...
The Accidental Winnie the Pooh Baby Shower Guide for Anxious Dads
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo. I know this because I'm you, and I remember the exact texture of the bathmat you're presently sitting on while trying to escape the chaos of your...
Surviving the Newborn Phase: The Real Deal on Baby Rockers
It was 3:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was eating a cold, half-bitten Eggo waffle over the sink while my oldest, Leo, screamed like I was trying to sell him to the circus. He was exactly five weeks old,...
Wait, Are Baby Bonnets Safe? My 2 AM Infant Hair Loss Panic
It was exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday. I know this because my glowing phone screen was mocking me in the dark. I was sitting in the nursery rocking chair wearing a maternity tank top that smelled strongly of sour...
What I Wish I Knew Before Bringing Home a Tiny Spiky Lizard
Jacksonβs face was pressed so hard against the glass of the terrarium I thought his nose might permanently flatten into a little pancake. We were just supposed to be at the pet store buying dog food, but my five-year-old had...
Dear Past Me: The Truth About Aquaphor Baby and Drool Rashes
You're standing in aisle fourteen of the Target on Roosevelt Road, holding a tub of regular healing ointment in your left hand and the infant version in your right. It's two in the morning. Your daughter is at home with...
What To Do With A Crochet Blanket For Newborn Babies, Y'all
I was exactly thirty-four weeks pregnant with my oldest, Tucker, sweating right through a floral maternity dress that felt more like a circus tent, when my Great Aunt Ruth handed me a massive, heavy, neon-yellow yarn afghan. Right on cue,...