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First time dad looking confused holding a maternity dress in a baby nursery

Debugging The Maternity Baby Shower Dress Meltdown In Real Time

Exactly forty-five minutes before our backyard celebration was supposed to start, I found my wife stress-crying in our Portland bathroom with a humidity sensor from my server rack sitting on the counter. She was 31 weeks pregnant, and the highly-rated,...

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Tired mom drinking coffee on the floor while a toddler runs past

Dear Past Me: Miss Shachiku and the Little Baby Ghost is a Warning

Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently wedged between the bulk-sized paper towels and the dog food bin in the pantry. It's 2:14 AM. You're wearing Dave's gray college sweatpantsβ€”the ones with that unidentifiable crusty bleach stain on...

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A tired father looking at his smartphone while two toddlers play on the floor

Toxic Internet Trends: What Parents Must Know About Baby Stickley

"Keep them off screens entirely until they're eighteen," my mum told me last Sunday over a lukewarm cup of tea, eyeing my smartphone like it was an unexploded bomb waiting to detonate in the living room. "Just stick the parental...

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A tired dad trying to calculate a household budget while holding twin babies

Surviving Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps With Actual Babies

When the twins arrived, I received exactly three pieces of financial advice within a forty-eight-hour window. My father-in-law cornered me in the hospital corridor to whisper that I needed to open a high-yield trust fund immediately. The following morning, a...

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Sarah drinking coffee while looking stressed at a laptop

Why I’m Terrified of the Internet and Buying Fox Blankets Instead

So my mother-in-law told me last week that I should just throw all our iPads into the nearest large body of water, my tech-bro brother-in-law said that if my seven-year-old Maya isn't coding in Python by now she’s basically going...

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A sleep-deprived father researching corporate fertility benefits on his phone at 3am

The Tesla babies program and my 3am scrolling spiral

It was 3:42 am on a Tuesday, and I was pinned beneath Twin A, who was rhythmically exhaling sour milk vapour directly into my collarbone. The house was locked in that heavy, unnatural silence that only exists just before a...

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Teen playing Sims on a laptop while a toddler plays with wooden toys on the floor

Finding the Sugar Baby Mod Sims 4 on My Niece's PC Screen Last Week

I was sitting on my sister's aggressively beige sectional in Naperville, enjoying thirty seconds of silence. My toddler was finally asleep upstairs. I was watching the green night-vision feed on the baby m screen, just waiting for the inevitable moment...

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A wooden baby play gym sitting on a messy living room rug next to a coffee cup.

What the Baby Boom Generation Actually Got Right About Parenting

I was sitting on the edge of the guest bathroom bathtub at 3:17 AM in a pair of gray college sweatpants that smelled vaguely like sour milk and desperation, crying over an Excel spreadsheet. Literally. I was aggressively typing Maya's...

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Sarah holding a coffee cup while looking exhausted at a pink TV screen

Why The Peppa Pig Baby Gender Reveal Sent Me Into a Tailspin

Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the faded blue IKEA rug in the den. You're wearing those grey sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh, drinking coffee that went cold two hours...

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