Dear Past Me: The Dreamland Baby Sleep Sack Is A Terrible Bug Fix
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're sitting in the glider chair right now, aren't you? It's 3:17 AM in Portland, the rain is aggressively smacking against the nursery window, and you're staring at your phone screen with the...
Do Babies Cry In The Womb? What Those Ultrasound Scans Really Mean
When my wife was twenty weeks pregnant with our twin girls, we received exactly three pieces of deeply conflicting, entirely unsolicited advice within a forty-eight-hour window. My mother-in-law insisted we needed to play Mozart pressed directly against the bump to...
The Day I Realized My Baby's Nursery Was Basically a Loud Nightclub
I was sitting on the itchy wool rug in our old apartment, wearing my husbandβs college sweatshirt that had a very distinct, crusted-over spit-up stain right on the collarbone. It was raining outside. I was clutching a mug of French...
Why Cheap Theme Park Outfits Crashed My Baby's Operating System
I'm currently standing completely motionless outside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, holding an eleven-month-old who's vibrating with pure, unadulterated rage. The humidity is sitting at what feels like two hundred percent, my shirt is glued to my spine, and...
How the Dijon baby album perfectly captures new parent chaos
"Sleep when the baby sleeps," my mom told me over a plate of lukewarm brisket right after my oldest was born, waving her fork around like she'd just delivered the secret to eternal life. Meanwhile, the lactation consultant at the...
The Diddy Baby Oil Meme: A Warning Letter To My Past Parenting Self
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold hexagonal tiles of the downstairs bathroom, wearing that baggy gray college hoodie with the mysterious bleach stain near the pocket. Your cold brew is sitting precariously on...
The Truth About That Devil May Cry Baby Search You Did Last Night
Dear Jess from six months ago, I see you. You're standing at the kitchen island, up to your elbows in mashed sweet potatoes, trying to finish two custom embroidery orders for the Etsy shop before the post office in town...
So Your Sweet Kid Brought Home A Horrific Joke From Preschool
"Wash his mouth out with Dial soap," my mom texted back immediately after I panic-messaged her from the kitchen floor. My grandma, bless her heart, told me on the phone to just pretend I went completely deaf and ignore it...
The Great Healthy Baby Myth: Surviving Your First Two Years
I'm currently staring at a beige, violently stained sleepsuit that was, until approximately four minutes ago, perfectly pristine and white. It's 6:15 AM on a Tuesday, and one of the twinsβletβs call her the Loud One, though honestly they alternate...