Surviving A Cone Head Baby: When Your Newborn Looks Like An Alien
I had a spreadsheet for everything. Diaper count, precise bassinet temperature, best swaddle torque. But nowhere in my forty-two tabs of prenatal research did I account for the moment the delivery nurse handed me a creature whose skull looked like...
The Truth About The Cringe Ass Nae Nae Baby Meme & Sharenting
I was sitting in our local coffee shop back in 2018, wearing this horrifying mustard yellow sweater that I genuinely thought made me look like a cool Brooklyn creative but actually just made me look jaundiced. It was raining outsideβthat...
Playing Bread Baby I'm-a Want You Fixed Our 3AM Sleep Crisis
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm writing this to youβwhich is to say, me, six months agoβwhile our son screams into my left clavicle like a dial-up modem failing to connect. I know exactly where you're right now...
Why Bobby Sherman Cried Like a Baby (And Why Yours Does Too)
Yesterday at my favorite craft coffee spot, the barista handed me my iced Americano and casually mentioned that letting an 11-month-old scream in his stroller builds "diaphragmatic resilience." Two hours later, my mother-in-law texted to warn me that responding to...
The Search for the Best Baby Car Seat (A Dad's Hardware Review)
The rain was blowing sideways across the Providence Portland hospital parking lot, and the discharge nurse was staring intensely at my hands. I was attempting to click my three-day-old son's carrier into the base I had confidently installed in my...
Dear Past Tom: Surviving When Your Baby's Coming Back Up
Dear Past Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting in The Crown on a rainy Tuesday afternoon, enjoying a rare hour of unsupervised freedom while your mother-in-law watches the twins. You have consumed exactly one and a half pints...
When that angry red nappy rash is actually a fungal invasion
I was standing over the changing mat at three in the morning with Twin A, heavily sleep-deprived and holding a spatula covered in Sudocrem, when I realised the biggest lie in modern parenting is that every red bottom just needs...
What I wish I knew about raising our baby with Down syndrome
Hey man. Itβs Marcus. Or rather, itβs you, exactly six months in the future. I know exactly what youβre doing right now. Youβre sitting in the blue glow of the humidifier at 3:17 AM, holding your phone six inches from...
The Truth About Baby White Noise (And My Jet Engine Mistake)
I was standing in the middle of my oldest son's nursery at two in the morning, holding my phone out in front of me like a paranormal investigator trying to catch a ghost, while a free sound-measuring app I had...