Why My Kid Packed A Box After Watching we baby bears
I was standing in the kitchen folding my seventh load of laundry on a Tuesday afternoon when I heard the unmistakable, aggressive sound of packing tape ripping off the roll. I dropped a pile of mismatched socks, walked into the...
Why The Phrase I'm The Joker Baby Sent Me Into A Late Night Panic
It was 2:14 AM. I know the exact time because the glowing red numbers on our kitchen microwave were burning into my retinas while I swayed back and forth, doing that desperate zombie-mom bounce. I was wearing my husband Mark's...
Why "Love You Like A Love Song" Saved My Sanity (A Letter)
Dear Jess from last November. You're currently sitting on the peeling linoleum in the hallway, hiding from a four-month-old who's screaming like a tiny banshee because you put him on his stomach. The Texas heat is absolutely brutal outside, our...
The "Where Is Mama" Phase Is Ruining My Ping
14.3 seconds. I checked my smartwatch. Thatβs exactly how long it took me to walk from the living room play area, step over the dog gate, open the fridge, grab a lime seltzer, and walk back. But when I crossed...
The Hydrogen Bomb vs Coughing Baby Meme: A Letter to Past Me
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently standing in the hallway at 3:14 AM holding a humidifier tank that's leaking all over your fuzzy slippers, crying because your little G baby, Georgia, sounds like a pack-a-day smoker, and you're...
The messy truth about putting a newborn on paper without going crazy
It's raining sideways in Chicago. The kind of rain that makes you reconsider ever leaving your house again. We're trapped in the living room, and the walls are closing in. Rohan has a fistful of crushed crayons and is demanding...
How Long Does Baby Acne Last? (And Why You Shouldn't Panic)
I was standing in line at my local coffee shop, wearing these black maternity leggings that I had fully sworn to myself I'd burn the second I gave birth, but here we were, three weeks postpartum, and they were the...
When the 'he was molested as a baby boy polo g song' trend hit
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're sitting on the living room rug right now watching your son play with a wooden block. You've got your phone in your left hand. You're about to post that video of him smearing...
The Truth About Ugly Baby Gear and Why I Stopped Caring
I was standing in the Target parking lot in mid-December, wearing black maternity leggings that were literally falling down because my postpartum body was in that weird, deflated balloon phase, and I was sobbing aggressively. Like, ugly, loud, snorting sobs....