What to Feed a Baby Bird: A Panic-Googling Dad's Rescue Guide
Dear Marcus from last May. You're currently standing in your damp NE Portland yard by the rhododendron bush. Your eleven-month-old son is strapped to your chest, actively chewing on the zipper of your jacket, and you're staring down at a...
What is the baby boo challenge? (And why I nearly called 999)
Itβs 7:14 am. Iβm currently wearing what used to be a relatively clean grey t-shirt, now aggressively Jackson Pollock-ed with mashed banana and something I strongly suspect is yesterdayβs sweet potato. The twins, Maya and Lily, are simultaneously screaming because...
Decoding Weird Baby Breaths: A Nurse's Guide to Not Panicking
3:14 AM. My phone flashlight was pressed flat against my palm to dim the glare, casting a weird, jaundiced shadow across the bassinet. I hadn't blinked in what felt like forty minutes. As a former pediatric nurse in Chicago, I've...
The Late Night Triage Guide for When Your Baby Won't Stop Crying
The radiator in our Chicago apartment was hissing that metallic, rhythmic sound it only makes in mid-February. My son was exactly six weeks old and screaming so hard his face was the color of a bruised eggplant. I spent six...
My Desperate Midnight Troubleshooting Guide for Baby Colic
It was 11:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was holding my screaming daughter at a bizarre forty-five-degree downward angle over my left forearm because a guy named VapeLord88 on YouTube swore this specific posture would instantly "vent her chassis."...
How We Survived Baby Ear Piercing: A Clueless Dad's Field Guide
I was sweating completely through my gray flannel shirt while sitting on that crinkly white paper they put over pediatric exam tables, gripping a color-coded spreadsheet I'd made about titanium purity levels. My wife, Sarah, was sitting next to me...
The Emmanuel Haro Case: Facing The Real Threat To Our Babies
I was sitting on my living room floor knee-deep in a pile of shipping mailers for my Etsy shop, trying to desperately fold laundry with my other hand while the baby was miraculously asleep for five consecutive minutes, when the...
Dear Past Sarah: The Truth About That Perfect Light Blue Paint
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, It's 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're sitting on the gross beige rug in the living room wearing Daveβs stained Villanova hoodie. You're drinking lukewarm French roast from a mug that has...
The Terrifying Two-Hour Rule That Changed My Entire Parenting Paradigm
I was literally elbow-deep in the darkest, crumb-filled recesses of our gray sectional sofa, wearing my zombie-apocalypse sweatpants that had a questionable yogurt stain on the knee, while my daughter Maya was happily rolling around on the rug. She was...