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The Great Baby Toothpaste Debate: Brushing My Son's First Tooth
My son bit my index finger at exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and that was how I found out we had a breach in the hull. I was just doing my usual morning firmware check—feeling around his gums because...
The Brutal Truth About If Your Old Beanie Babies Are Worth Money
My mom hauled a dust-caked Rubbermaid tub down from her attic last Thanksgiving, slapped the lid with a triumphant thud, and announced she was handing over my children's college tuition. We were standing in the garage, dodging wasps, while she...
Mom Truths: Those Brooklyn Baby Lana Del Rey Lyrics Explained
It was 2017. Maya was roughly six months old, and I was sitting on the severely scratched hardwood floor of our third-floor walk-up in Park Slope. My hair was twisted into a greasy topknot that was probably 40 percent dry...
The brutal truth about baby shows: Expos, screens, and survival
Listen. I was thirty-four weeks pregnant, my ankles were swelling over the tops of my sneakers, and I was standing in the middle of McCormick Place in downtown Chicago. A very enthusiastic woman with a microphone was trying to sell...
The Honest Truth About Switching to Neutral Baby Clothing Basics
I'm standing in my laundry room right now, staring at a hot pink, tulle-skirted monstrosity that says "Daddy's Little Princess" in scratchy sequins. My oldest daughter wore it exactly once. She screamed for forty-five minutes straight until her face was...
The Sachin Babi Dress Red Tag Incident & Occasionwear Survival
My wife Sarah was standing in the middle of our disaster-zone living room, holding a pair of kitchen shears perilously close to a massive, glaringly obvious red security tag, while Florence (twin A, the escape artist) was actively attempting to...
The 3 AM Reality of Raising a Baby Chick With a Toddler
It's three in the morning on a Tuesday. I'm standing over my bathroom sink with a warm, damp paper towel, delicately wiping dried feces off the backside of a baby chick. My husband is asleep. My toddler is asleep. I'm...
Why Every Baby Math Formula Is Basically Lying To You
It was 3:14 AM, and I was sitting on the nursery floor wearing my husband Mark’s oversized gray college sweatpants—the ones with the mystery bleach stain on the knee—aggressively typing numbers into my glowing phone screen while my coffee from...
How to Debug the Exact Baby Blue Color Code for Your Nursery
Three different people gave me completely conflicting advice while I was standing in an empty room holding a dry paint roller. My mother-in-law called to insist I needed to find something she referred to as "stork blue" because it supposedly...