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A Note From The Future About That October 6 Beanie Baby Idea
Dear Marcus from six months ago, you're currently hovering your cursor over the "Buy It Now" button on eBay at 2:14 AM while your five-month-old is finally asleep after what felt like a system-wide hardware failure. You've just discovered that...
The exact october 30th beanie baby that broke my brain
I'm sitting on the cold linoleum floor of my laundry room in a nursing bra that hasn't seen the inside of a washing machine in at least three days, aggressively refreshing an eBay tab on my cracked iPhone with one...
Dear past me, that vintage october 20th beanie baby is a trap
Listen, Priya from six months ago. You're sitting on the living room rug, staring at a crushed cardboard box that just arrived from your auntie in New Jersey. Inside is a pristine, tag-protected raccoon named Snoops. You're thinking it's incredibly...
Debugging the October 18 Beanie Baby Birthday Twin Trend
I was standing in the cramped, patchouli-scented aisle of a vintage shop on Hawthorne Boulevard, triumphantly holding a dusty plush skeleton from the year 2000. I thought I had just executed a brilliant parenting hack. My niece was about to...
Why That Vintage March 17 Beanie Baby Belongs on a High Shelf
I was literally sitting on the living room floor, knee-deep in a mountain of unfolded toddler shirts and cardboard shipping boxes for my Etsy shop, when the front screen door slammed. My mom breezed into the house carrying a cloudy...
The Honest Truth About Finding A March 13 Beanie Baby For Your Kid
I'm sitting on my couch at two in the morning, bathed in the blue light of my phone, watching a twenty-three-year-old mother weep on her timeline because she finally found 'Celebrate' on a resale app. That's the specific vintage stuffed...
Why I Learned Trap Music Guitar Chords for a Crying Infant at 3 AM
Dear Marcus from six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM, the relentless Portland rain is hammering against the nursery window, and you're standing in the middle of the room wearing boxer briefs, holding your dusty acoustic guitar like it's a...
The July 26 Beanie Baby Incident That Broke My Sanity
I'm currently on my hands and knees holding a pair of tweezers and a remarkably weak mobile phone torch in my mouth, desperately trying to extract a single plastic pellet from the gap between our original Victorian floorboards. Twin A...
Troubleshooting The September 19 Birthday Twin Plushie Trend
I'll tell you exactly what not to do when you finally receive that crinkly, retro-smelling package from a vintage seller on the internet: don't immediately hand the twenty-six-year-old plush toy to your teething eleven-month-old. I made this exact logic error...