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Building A Survival Baby Hamper For The 3 AM Meltdowns
It's exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. Maya is four days old, and she's screaming with the intensity of a tiny, furious dinosaur. I'm standing in our dark kitchen wearing nothing but mesh hospital underwear and a nursing bra that...
What Parents Actually Want When You Buy Baby Gifts for Girls
My sister-in-law cornered me by the kettle just before the twins arrived, waving a mug of herbal tea, and firmly stated that I must only buy neutral organic linen so my girls wouldn't be forced into oppressive gender roles before...
Writing a Baby Shower Card That Doesn't Sound Completely Awkward
My mother told me a shower card must make the pregnant woman cry tears of deep joy. My buddy Dave said I should just scribble "Sleep is a lie, good luck" on a Post-it and tape a twenty-dollar bill to...
Stop Writing Terrifying Advice In Your Baby Shower Cards
Picture this. You're trapped on a velvet armchair in a room that smells aggressively of buttercream and eucalyptus. Twenty women, ranging from your childhood best friend to your partnerβs distant aunt, are staring at you. You're sweating through your maternity...
Writing Honest Baby Shower Greetings When Your Mind is Blank
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting in the sweltering driver's seat of your Honda Odyssey in the Target parking lot, the air conditioner blasting directly into your face while you try...
The Completely Unfiltered Reality Behind the Cute Baby Aesthetic
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in late November, and I was wearing an oversized, pill-covered grey fleece robe that smelled violently of sour milk and desperation. My daughter Maya was exactly seven weeks old. I was holding her...
The Truth About Custom Baby Onesies: A Letter To My Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. It's October 14th, 2:13 AM, and you're sitting on the very edge of the living room rug, wearing those disgusting gray fleece college sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left knee...
Writing Baby Shower Thank You Cards Without Losing Your Mind
I was exactly thirty-six weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting dead center on the faux-wood floor of our tiny rental duplex, surrounded by seventy-five pastel blue envelopes. I was absolutely sobbing. My lower back felt like it was splitting in...
The Honest Truth About Baby Shower Invites (And Surviving Them)
I was sitting at my kitchen island in July of 2017, my ankles swollen to the exact size and texture of grapefruits, wearing a maternity tank top that had a crusty mustard stain on the hem, crying over cardstock. Literally...