Magazine

Marcus looking stressed at a laptop with baby gear scattered around the living room

The Data-Driven Dad’s Guide to Using an Online Kids Boutique

It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in aisle 14 of a massive big-box store under fluorescent lights that made my corneas throb. My wife, Sarah, was holding a pair of baby jeans the size of...

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A tired dad holding an iPad and a teething baby looking confused.

A Dad's Panic Over iPad Search Histories and the Tar Baby Meaning

Dear Marcus from six months ago: Put down the cold brew. Stop hyperventilating over the iPad browser history. Your nine-year-old niece who's crashing at your house for the weekend isn't a secret 19th-century racist, and your 11-month-old son (who currently...

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A very sticky toddler looking confused while holding a rib

Dear Tom: Put down the Sweet Baby Ray's immediately

Dear Tom of six months ago. It's Sunday afternoon, you're standing in the back garden holding a plastic squeeze bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's, and you're about to make a terrible, deeply sticky mistake. I know exactly what you're thinking....

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Toddler reaching for a colorful candy wrapper on a kitchen counter

The Honest Truth About Giving Sugar Candy To Babies Before Two

Listen. My mother-in-law had a literal sugar babies candy poised right over my six-month-old's mouth at a family Diwali party last year. I intercepted that little caramel nugget like an off-duty linebacker. She looked at me like I'd just slapped...

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A tired dad separating a fluffy husky from a baby on an organic playmat.

Siberian Husky Baby Survival Guide for Clueless New Parents

I'm currently looking at a spreadsheet I built at three in the morning. It tracks the decibel level of my 11-month-old's cry plotted against the response time of our 60-pound sled dog, Apollo. Apollo is currently staring at a blank...

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Tired Portland dad soothing his crying ruka baby monster with a plush toy

The Ruka Baby Monster Error: Troubleshooting 2 AM Meltdowns

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, raining sideways against our Portland apartment windows, and I was actively bleeding from my left collarbone. My 11-month-old daughter had bypassed crying entirely and escalated straight to physical violence. I was holding her...

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Tired dad holding a crying 11-month-old baby while looking at a laptop screen

Troubleshooting The Baby Come Back Phase Without Losing Your Mind

2:14 PM. Portland is doing that misty drizzle thing outside where it's not quite raining but you still get entirely wet. I've stepped exactly 3.4 feet away from the playmat to grab my lukewarm coffee from the side table. I...

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A dad holding two muddy toddlers wearing mixed organic and fast fashion basics

The Truth About Old Navy Baby Clothes and Toddler Mud

Don't, under any circumstances, dress two newly-mobile toddlers in matching cream linen rompers for a casual stroll through a damp London park in November. I did this exactly once, under the tragic, sleep-deprived delusion that I could maintain my pre-kids...

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An 11 month old baby boy stuck in the corner of a living room

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner: A Dad's Guide To The Reverse Gear

It was exactly 6:14 PM, the thermostat was holding steady at 68.5 degrees, and I was watching my 11-month-old son slowly reverse himself into the precise 90-degree angle where the drywall meets the glass sliding door. He looked like a...

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