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Surviving the baby dinosaur phase without losing your mind
Don't, under any circumstances, attempt to correct a two-year-old on the precise anatomical posture of a Stegosaurus. I learned this at 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, standing in my kitchen holding a lukewarm mug of tea while Twin One shrieked...
How I Survived the Absolute Chaos of Infant Blowouts and Runny Poop
I'm standing in the cramped, overly bright bathroom of a Buc-ee's somewhere off I-35, staring at my oldest son who's currently painted from waist to shoulder blades in what looks like radioactive mustard. He's screaming his lungs out. I'm actively...
Why Your Teething Toddler Acts Like a Wild Baby Crocodile
"Bite him back," my mom told me over the phone last Tuesday while I sat on the kitchen floor and iced the fresh, purple teeth marks on my forearm. "That'll teach him right quick." Meanwhile, the crunchy preschool director had...
The brutal truth about baby cough medicine and what actually works
At 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was standing in my dark kitchen holding a thrashing, coughing toddler while my phone lit up with three different text threads. My mom was typing paragraphs about rubbing warm mustard oil on his...
A letter to myself about the absolute madness of baby cologne
Dear Tom of Six Months Ago, You're currently standing in the hallway of the semi-detached in Balham, holding a tiny, frosted glass bottle gifted by your remarkably chic European mother-in-law. You're staring at the words "Eau de Senteur" printed in...
I Googled "Baby Chicks For Sale" And Now My Living Room Smells Like...
I'm currently staring at a 100-litre plastic storage tub in my hallway that's emitting a continuous, high-pitched sound, much like a smoke alarm that has somehow developed a needy personality. Inside this tub are four baby chicks. I blame Instagram,...
Raising Baby Chickens: A Reality Check Letter To My Past Self
There's a cardboard box vibrating in the passenger seat of my minivan, and it smells faintly of wood shavings and poor life choices. Itβs early March, raining sideways here in rural Texas, and I'm staring at the steering wheel while...
The 3 AM Reality of Raising a Baby Chick With a Toddler
It's three in the morning on a Tuesday. I'm standing over my bathroom sink with a warm, damp paper towel, delicately wiping dried feces off the backside of a baby chick. My husband is asleep. My toddler is asleep. I'm...
The absolute origami nightmare of strapping on a baby carrier
I was standing in the middle of our cramped London kitchen at two in the afternoon, sweating profusely, completely tangled in eighteen feet of modal fabric. One twin was screaming from the bouncy chair on the floor, the other was...