Why Every Mom is Obsessed With the Baby Pygmy Hippo
I was sitting on my living room floor at 2:14 AM last Tuesday, surrounded by half-folded shipping boxes for my Etsy shop, nursing my youngest, and watching a video of a baby pygmy hippo aggressively gumming a zookeeper's knee. And...
Debugging The Baby Pumpkin Costume: A First-Time Dad's Guide
The internal temperature of a synthetic plush gourd is roughly equivalent to the surface of the sun. I'm holding a screaming, bright orange sphere in the middle of a muddy Portland farm, desperately trying to find a zipper that apparently...
Navigating Modern Baby Safety in a Wild World (And My Anxiety)
My mother-in-law told me yesterday that if I even let Maya look at an iPad before she's twelve, I'm basically frying her frontal lobe and guaranteeing she won't get into college. Then, literally an hour later, my best friend texted...
Why I Have Mixed Feelings About Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit
My sister-in-law texted me at 2:14 PM on a random Tuesday with zero context: "Buy the baby merlin's magic sleepsuit right now, it literally cured Leo's regression overnight." Two hours later, my neighborβwho makes her own oat milk and only...
My Papoose Baby Era: How I Survived The Clingy Newborn Phase
2:14 AM. A Tuesday in mid-November. I was standing in the middle of our tiny galley kitchen wearing a pair of maternity leggings that smelled vaguely of spit-up and stale coffee, desperately trying to wrap fifteen feet of gray stretchy...
The Ring Sling Baby Carrier: Debugging My Tactical Gear Fail
I was standing by the open door of our so-called baby car, getting rained on, holding what looked like the harness system for a parachute jump. It was a highly engineered, military-grade baby carrier. I had researched it for weeks....
What To Know Before Buying The Expensive Mori Baby Sleepwear
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I had my phone flashlight clamped between my teeth like a miner digging for coal. My oldest son, Beau, was four weeks old and screaming with the kind of lung capacity that...
Dear Past Marcus: The Truth About the Ugg Baby Boot Obsession
It's 4:12 PM on a rainy Tuesday in late November, and you're sweating completely through your flannel shirt while crouched on the mudroom floor trying to shove an angry, curled-up infant foot into a ridiculously expensive miniature sheepskin tube. You're...
Why newborn babies come out covered in slippery cream cheese
The lights in the surgical theatre were violently bright, the machines were beeping in a rhythm that did absolutely nothing for my blood pressure, and I had been awake for approximately thirty-six hours. My wife was hidden behind a sterile...