Magazine

Dad looking confused at a bowl of orange sweet potato baby puree

Debugging Stage 1 Baby Food: A Dad's First Bites Protocol

It's 6:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm currently staring at a splatter of bright orange sweet potato puree on my kitchen ceiling. I'm trying to reverse-engineer the physics of how a human being weighing exactly 16.4 pounds managed to...

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A tired mother looking at a spider plant in a baby nursery.

A Letter To Myself About The Spider Baby Panic

Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently standing in the doorway of the nursery at two in the morning, holding the Dyson stick vacuum like it's a loaded weapon. You're wearing a milk-stained nursing bra from yesterday, your eyes...

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Exhausted dad holding his baby near a wooden play gym and organic cotton baby products

What the Sparkle Meghan Baby Drama Taught Me About Newborns

I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 3:14 AM, pressing a warm bottle of breastmilk against my cheek to test the temperature, while my wife scrolls TikTok on the closed toilet lid. She holds up her phone, completely...

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Exhausted dad looking at baby clothes after a late night internet search

The tatu baby search that completely broke my dad brain at 2 AM

2:14 AM. The nursery is exactly 68.5 degrees. The white noise machine is pushing out a continuous loop of brown noise at precisely 42 decibels. My 11-month-old daughter is asleep on my chest, breathing 32 times a minute. I know...

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A toddler sleeping peacefully in a dark nursery room

When The Baby Little Nightmares 3 Trend Ruins Your Sleep

Don't let your sixteen-year-old cousin plug his console into the main living room television. That's the first rule of holiday gatherings, and I learned it the hard way. I had just finished my shift at the clinic, picked up my...

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A toddler looking skeptical while sitting next to a newborn baby sister.

When The Baby Sister Strikes Back: A Letter To My Past Self

You're standing in front of the open fridge at two in the morning, staring at a block of sharp cheddar cheese and rubbing your thirty-eight-week belly. You think you've this under control because you survived the newborn trenches once. You...

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Dad staring blankly at television while twin toddlers destroy the living room

When The Baby-Sitters Club Makes You Question Your Parenting

I was wedged between the living room radiator and a pile of inexplicably sticky building blocks at 5:43 AM on a Tuesday when it happened. Twin A was aggressively gumming a slightly stale rice cake, Twin B was trying to...

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Exhausted mother laughing on floor surrounded by baby boxes

The Tous Baby Consumer Trap: What I Wish I Knew Six Months Ago

Hey Jess. You're currently sitting cross-legged on the linoleum floor of the Target baby aisle, roughly seven months pregnant with baby number three, crying over whether to buy a sixty-dollar wipe warmer that has a built-in nightlight and Bluetooth speaker....

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Jess sitting at a rural Texas kitchen table surrounded by messy legal paperwork and baby toys

Why Normal People Are Setting Up Trust Funds for Their Kids

Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting at the kitchen table at 11:47 PM. You have stale Goldfish crumbs stuck to your sweatpants, you're surrounded by fifty half-packed Etsy resin orders, and you're hyperventilating while staring at a...

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