Magazine
Debugging Stage 1 Baby Food: A Dad's First Bites Protocol
It's 6:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm currently staring at a splatter of bright orange sweet potato puree on my kitchen ceiling. I'm trying to reverse-engineer the physics of how a human being weighing exactly 16.4 pounds managed to...
A Letter To Myself About The Spider Baby Panic
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently standing in the doorway of the nursery at two in the morning, holding the Dyson stick vacuum like it's a loaded weapon. You're wearing a milk-stained nursing bra from yesterday, your eyes...
What the Sparkle Meghan Baby Drama Taught Me About Newborns
I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 3:14 AM, pressing a warm bottle of breastmilk against my cheek to test the temperature, while my wife scrolls TikTok on the closed toilet lid. She holds up her phone, completely...
The tatu baby search that completely broke my dad brain at 2 AM
2:14 AM. The nursery is exactly 68.5 degrees. The white noise machine is pushing out a continuous loop of brown noise at precisely 42 decibels. My 11-month-old daughter is asleep on my chest, breathing 32 times a minute. I know...
When The Baby Little Nightmares 3 Trend Ruins Your Sleep
Don't let your sixteen-year-old cousin plug his console into the main living room television. That's the first rule of holiday gatherings, and I learned it the hard way. I had just finished my shift at the clinic, picked up my...
When The Baby Sister Strikes Back: A Letter To My Past Self
You're standing in front of the open fridge at two in the morning, staring at a block of sharp cheddar cheese and rubbing your thirty-eight-week belly. You think you've this under control because you survived the newborn trenches once. You...
When The Baby-Sitters Club Makes You Question Your Parenting
I was wedged between the living room radiator and a pile of inexplicably sticky building blocks at 5:43 AM on a Tuesday when it happened. Twin A was aggressively gumming a slightly stale rice cake, Twin B was trying to...
The Tous Baby Consumer Trap: What I Wish I Knew Six Months Ago
Hey Jess. You're currently sitting cross-legged on the linoleum floor of the Target baby aisle, roughly seven months pregnant with baby number three, crying over whether to buy a sixty-dollar wipe warmer that has a built-in nightlight and Bluetooth speaker....
Why Normal People Are Setting Up Trust Funds for Their Kids
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting at the kitchen table at 11:47 PM. You have stale Goldfish crumbs stuck to your sweatpants, you're surrounded by fifty half-packed Etsy resin orders, and you're hyperventilating while staring at a...