The Midnight Babi Meltdowns: Surviving Drool and Sleeplessness
Whatever you do, do NOT google "why are my kid's gums blue" at three in the morning. I was sitting on the edge of the glider in Maya's nurseryβthe gray one we bought off Craigslist that always squeaked if you...
Why Your Newborn's Length Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means
"Well, look at those long legs, he's got size fourteen feet in his future for sure!" my great-aunt Linda practically hollered across the patio, hoisting my three-week-old oldest son like a prize-winning bass at the family barbecue. Everyone nodded sagely....
Why I Swear By Unscented Aveeno For My Kids Eczema Nightmares
I was halfway down on my left knee, skidding across the wet bathroom linoleum while my oldest screamed bloody murder and thrashed around in what was supposed to be a soothing bedtime soak. It was 2019, my husband was working...
I Finally Understand The Atomized Baby Meme (And You Will Too)
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the hallway radiator is pressing a distinctly uncomfortable geometric pattern into my lower spine. Florence, who's Twin A and currently engaged in a psychological war against the concept of sleep, has finally passed...
The Truth About Crawling Timelines From A Tired London Twin Dad
I'm currently lying face down on a heavily stained Berber rug, making intense eye contact with a small, unblinking human who has just eaten a piece of fluff. In my outstretched hand is a set of house keys, jangling desperately...
Why The Ashanti Baby Drama Triggered My Deepest Night Shift Rage
The absolute biggest lie we tell pregnant women isn't about the ring of fire during childbirth, and it's not about how breastfeeding is supposed to feel "natural." It's this bizarre, culturally accepted myth that men somehow physically lack the biological...
A Letter To Myself Before Buying That Artipoppe Baby Carrier
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo, aren't you? The twins are simultaneously screaming in the living room, there's a distinct smell of sour milk on your favourite jumper, and you're staring at your...
How To Survive An Angry Baby When You Are Losing Your Mind
My mother-in-law told me I was holding him too much and he was already "manipulating" me at four months old, which, like, how? My favorite Facebook mom group told me his root chakra was blocked and I needed to rub...
Surviving the American Girl Bitty Baby Hardware Update
It was 2:18 AM on a Tuesday. The ambient temperature in the nursery was exactly 68.4 degrees, according to the three different sensors I had calibrated that afternoon. I was executing a standard tactical stealth retreat after successfully resetting my...