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A tired mother holding a sick infant, thinking about the hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby internet joke

The nuclear bomb versus coughing infant joke and real colds

Listen. When my son developed his first real chest rattle, I received three distinct pieces of advice within a single hour. My desi mother-in-law told me to heat mustard oil with raw garlic and rub it on the soles of...

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Two toddlers watching an animated movie in a living room scattered with toys

Why I let my toddlers watch the boss baby 2 and lived to tell

It was 3:14 PM on a rainy Tuesday in London, the exact time of day when my carefully constructed parenting ideals usually crumble into dust. The twins had been awake since before the sun bothered to rise, and our living...

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Toddler standing on a coffee table knocking over a tall tower of blocks

When Your Toddler Turns Into a Baby Godzilla Destroying Your House

Yesterday at exactly 4:15 PM, I found myself hiding in the pantry eating stale Goldfish crackers in the dark while my two-year-old stood victorious on the coffee table, roaring at the top of his lungs after methodically sweeping my last...

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baby safetyfatherhoodhumororganic cottonpregnancy tipssafe sleep
A dad looking confused at a pregnancy tracking app on his phone

The truth about baby bump timelines and why apps lie to you

I was standing in our kitchen holding a retractable Stanley tape measure against my wife's stomach, trying to log exactly how many centimeters her abdomen had grown since the previous Tuesday. She looked down at me like I was trying...

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baby boybaby namesfatherhoodhumorinfantparenting humour
Exhausted father staring at a baby name book while holding a cup of lukewarm tea.

The Absurd Quest for Baby Boy Names Unique Enough Not to Be Steve

My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle at week twelve of the pregnancy to insist that strong, traditional English names like Arthur or George were the only guaranteed way to prevent a child from a life of petty criminality, while...

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90s nostalgiaearly developmenthumorlate nightscreen timetwin dad
A tired father holding a wooden play gym while a toddler stares at a smartphone screen

Uncle Baby Billy: How my toddler found HBO at 3am

It's precisely 3:14 in the morning, a time I'm intimately familiar with because it's the exact hour the ambient temperature in our London flat drops just enough to offend my twin daughters. Florence is currently wedged sideways across my chest,...

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humorparenting humourstresssurvivaltwin dad
A tired dad scrolling on his phone while twin girls play on the floor

Why The Uncle Richard Is My Baby Daddy Drama Actually Helps

It's 3:14 in the morning. One of the twins has inexplicably managed to lodge a rogue, rock-hard piece of toast behind the nursery radiator, and the other is performing a prolonged, operatic wail because our profoundly indifferent tabby cat looked...

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early developmentfatherhoodhumoroutdoorparenting tips
Confused dad looking at a fledgling bird in the grass while holding a baby

What to Do When Your Toddler Finds a Baby Bird in the Backyard

I'm currently crouched in the damp Portland mud, holding my 11-month-old by the back of his diaper like a defective briefcase, while we both stare at a violently vibrating clump of feathers in the grass. It looks like a moldy...

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HumorMilestonesMotherhoodOutdoorParenting GuideToys
Toddler doing the hands and feet crawl on a wooden floor next to toys

Dear Past Sarah: What I Wish I Knew About The Entire Bear Phase

Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold, slightly sticky linoleum of the downstairs bathroom, hiding from your own family. It’s, like, 9 AM on a Tuesday, and you're wearing those gray sweatpants with the...

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