Decoding The Baby Boo Meaning Youngboy TikTok Trend For Dads
Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the mid-century modern living room rug you definitely couldn't afford, obsessively logging the baby's exact milk intake into an app (4.2 ounces, up from 3.8 yesterday). The Portland rain is...
What a wild baby beaver in Chicago taught me about toddlers
We were standing ankle-deep in mysterious brown water at the North Park Village Nature Center when I saw it. The temperature was hovering around forty-eight degrees. My son had already thrown his left shoe into a patch of reeds. I...
Dear Past Me: Surviving The Literal Baby Bat And Bath Time Chaos
Dear Sarah from six months ago, It's exactly 7:14 PM on a Tuesday and you're currently kneeling on the damp bathroom tiles in an oversized, bleach-stained Nirvana t-shirt that you haven't washed in a week. You're dripping with lukewarm water...
How to Survive Your Baby Announcement With Your Dignity Intact
I'm standing in our damp London garden, holding two helium balloons shaped like the numbers one and two, while my wife tries to gently coax our neurotic rescue greyhound into wearing a chalkboard sign around his neck. The sign says...
Why the Baby Alien Fan Bus Search Trap Ruined My Tuesday Morning
The iPad was smeared with a mixture of dribble and what I desperately hope was Marmite, sitting dangerously close to the edge of the kitchen island. It was 6:15 on a Tuesday morning, it was raining in that aggressively persistent...
How The AGT Winner Jessica Sanchez Baby Name Wrecked My Math
Don't, under any circumstances, try to write a Python script that scrapes the Social Security Administration database to find a moniker with a mathematically perfect syllable-to-vowel ratio. This is a terrible way to name a human. I know this because...
My Kids, The Ice Age Baby Meme, and Freezing Winter Survival
Let me tell you about the exact moment I realized I was officially old and entirely unprepared for both internet culture and actual, literal winter. It was like, negative three degrees outside on a Tuesday in January, I was wearing...
Surviving Our Real Boss Baby and Who Actually Voices The Movie
My mom told me that if I didn't establish dominance on day one, the baby would rule our house forever. The barista down the street confidently informed me that I need to surrender to his flow and let the infant...
The Smart Speaker Disaster and Finding Safe Lil Baby Songs
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Thanksgiving to explain that if I didn't play Mozart for my son at exactly 432 hertz, his neural pathways would fail to optimize for advanced calculus. The next day, the barista at...