Magazine

Exhausted dad staring at baby videos on his phone in a dark nursery

Dear Past Me: That TikTok issa_hay_baby_ Account Isn't Real

It’s exactly 3:14 AM right now in your timeline, and you're sitting on the edge of the glider while the baby does that weird pterodactyl screech that means his sleep cycle is resetting. Your face is bathed in the cold...

Read more

Dad looking shocked at a laptop screen after searching for sugar baby production instead of infant food facts.

The Night "Sugar Baby Production" Ruined My Search History

It's exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the glowing blue square of the baby monitor is showing me the night-vision outline of my eleven-month-old son doing something that looks suspiciously like a plank. He has been teething for what...

Read more

Tired dad holding a baby in a bamboo blanket looking at a clock

When Do Babies Switch To One Nap

I'm currently staring at a baby monitor that displays a room temperature of exactly 68.4 degrees and an 11-month-old standing in his crib, aggressively shaking the rails like a tiny, sleep-deprived prisoner. It's 10:15 AM. This is supposed to be...

Read more

Exhausted dad staring at his phone while holding an 11-month-old baby boy in a dark Portland nursery.

A Dad's Tech Guide to Figuring Out When Is Baby Boi Dropping

It was 2:14 AM. The baby monitor was glowing with that sinister green night-vision hue that makes my eleven-month-old look like a paranormal entity trapped in a crib. My phone vibrated on the nightstand, blinding me with the lock screen....

Read more

Sleep deprived father holding a teething toy and staring at his phone in shock

The "Babi Chula Porn" Typo: A Warning to Sleep-Deprived Parents

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in the nursery rocking chair at 3:14 am, bathed in the harsh blue light of your smartphone while Twin A attempts to extract your left incisor with her surprisingly sharp...

Read more

Close up of a tired father examining his newborn baby's slate grey eyes

Predicting the Unpredictable: The Truth About Infant Eye Color

I was sitting under the punishing, flickering fluorescent lights of the NHS maternity ward, nursing a tepid cup of instant coffee, when Twin A finally opened her eyes and looked right at me. I had spent the better part of...

Read more

A confused dad standing next to a backyard smoker holding a baby and barbecue tongs.

A Dad's Guide to Smoking Baby Back Ribs for Tiny Humans

Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently standing on the back patio in the Portland drizzle. You have a pair of metal tongs in one hand and your phone in the other, aggressively Googling Traeger recipes. Inside, your...

Read more

Kianao wooden rainbow play gym with colorful hanging animal toys for sensory development

Why The Baby Ashlee Nudes Color Trend Needs To Stop Right Now

I was elbow-deep in a laundry basket full of aggressively beige clothing yesterday when my grandma called to ask why my youngest always looks like a Victorian orphan on my Instagram stories. I had to laugh, mostly to keep from...

Read more

Messy baby eating puree from a reusable silicone food container in a car seat

The Great Puree Glitch: Debugging Dinnertime

The ceiling of my Subaru Crosstrek currently has a modern art installation made entirely of organic sweet potato and turkey puree. I was driving down Interstate 84. My 11-month-old son, Leo, was screaming in the back seat. The temperature was...

Read more