The Myth of Baby Art and How to Actually Survive It
Iβm currently staring at a active purple streak on the toe of my left sneaker. It arrived there about an hour ago, during what my wife and I ambitiously labeled "creative enrichment time." The biggest myth of modern parentingβpropagated almost...
Letter to Past Me: How to Survive the Real-Life Baby Boss Phase
Itβs 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor wearing the grey sweatpants with the mystery yogurt stain on the left thigh, clutching a mug of tepid French roast like itβs a...
Sleep Training a Baby: A Letter to My Past, Severely Exhausted Self
Dear Marcus of six months ago, You're currently standing in the dark, swaying like a drunken sailor on a turbulent sea. You have an 18-pound weight draped over your left shoulder, and your right hand is frantically typing when to...
Why We Traded Stuffy Showers for the Modern Co-Ed Baby Bash
I'm sitting on a pastel-pink velvet chair in a suburban banquet hall watching my cousin unwrap her nineteenth burp cloth. Someone is measuring her waist with toilet paper while a group of aunts I haven't seen since my wedding stare...
What Is An Anchor Baby? Debugging A Toxic Immigration Myth
My 11-month-old son had just figured out how to forcefully eject his mashed peas across our kitchen island when my wife Mayaβs college roommate, Sofia, started quietly crying over her water glass. Sofia is six months pregnant. Her husband, Leo,...
Debugging Baby Sun Safety: The Great Sunscreen Firmware Update
There's currently a streak of stark white zinc oxide smeared across the black upholstery of my Subaru, a matching smudge on my favorite dark t-shirt, and a suspicious clump stuck in my eleven-month-oldβs left eyebrow. Somehow, despite dispensing what felt...
System Error: Why We Banned the Baby's Breath Flower at Home
My mother-in-law texted me four massive paragraphs about how Gypsophila represents everlasting love and is a hard requirement for the nursery design if we wanted to respect tradition. Three hours later, our Portland neighborβa guy who brews his own seasonal...
First Steps and Bruised Knees: A Twin Dad's Guide to Walking
I used to think there was a specific, magical day when it happened. I genuinely believed that sometime around their first birthday, Iβd be sitting on the sofa with a lukewarm coffee, and one of the twins would simply stand...
Reclaiming The Title Of Baby Mama And Surviving Year One
My wife is asleep next to me, emitting a low, rhythmic wheeze that means sheβs currently in deep REM, and I'm sitting in the dark, furiously scrolling through a Wikipedia rabbit hole about billionaires. I literally caught myself googling how...