My 3 AM Kitchen Panic: Finding Baby Roaches Near the Bottles
It was exactly 3:14 in the morning. I know this because my eyes were burning holes into the neon green numbers on the microwave clock while I stood completely frozen on the cold kitchen tiles. I was wearing these hideous,...
The reality of toxic co-parenting and what it does to a baby
Hey Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold hexagonal tiles of the guest bathroom floor. The Chicago wind is rattling the frosted glass window, the baby is finally asleep after an hour of fighting a brutal...
The midnight baby meme: surviving internet chaos and newborn life
Listen. The absolute worst thing you can do at 2:42 AM when your infant is staring at the ceiling like they owe it money is open a sleep training forum. I used to do this. I'd sit in the dark,...
Pinkfong Baby Shark: How to Survive the Doo-Doo-Doo Toddler Phase
I was wedged between a fifty-pound sack of flour and my bulk box of paper towels in the pantry, stress-eating a handful of stale Goldfish crackers, while the muffled sound of "doo doo doo doo doo doo" echoed through the...
Why the Pretty Baby Movie Documentary Broke My Dad Brain
It was 3:14 AM, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve our roof, and my 11-month-old daughter was using my sternum as a memory foam mattress. I had my phone brightness dialed down to absolute zero, squinting through the...
Midnight Feeds & Why Surprise Baby Daddy is the CEO Saved Me
It was 3:14 AM. I know this because I had checked the clock on the microwave four times in the last hour. I was wearing my husband Dave's gray sweatpantsβthe ones with the mysterious bleach stain on the left kneeβand...
Raising Baby Kittens With Kids: The Blunt Unfiltered Truth
I'm standing in my kitchen at 3:14 in the morning, wearing yesterday's yoga pants with a questionable crusty stain on the knee, holding a bottle smaller than my own thumb. My oldest kid, who swore up and down on his...
How to hire a baby sitter without having a complete meltdown
I'm currently crouched behind the wheel of my Vauxhall Astra, engine off, parked exactly three doors down from my own house. I've been sitting here in the dark for fourteen minutes. I'm supposed to be sitting in a dimly lit...
That Time A Baby Possum Taught Me Everything About Infant Sleep
I was standing in my gravel driveway at two in the afternoon, sweat pooling in the small of my back, holding a literal shoebox containing a shivering, bald little creature while my oldest toddler screamed so loud the neighbors probably...