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The Ugly Truth About My First Custom Organic Baby Onesie
I was standing in the middle of my kitchen, covered in a highly suspicious mixture of mashed sweet potatoes and spit-up, trying to peel a personalized milestone shirt off my oldest son, Leo. It was his half-birthday, because I used...
Why most kids' clothes are actually a trap disguised as cute
It was 2:13 a.m. in the middle of a brutal Chicago February. The thermostat claimed it was sixty-eight degrees, but the nursery felt like a meat locker. I was holding my screaming son at arm's length because he was covered...
Why I Threw Away Every Regular Onesie During the First Month
It was day three postpartum with my oldest, and I was sweating like a sinner in church. He was screaming that high-pitched, breathless newborn wail. He'd just delivered a mustard-yellow blowout of epic proportions. I was staring at his umbilical...
The brutal truth about buying an infant knit romper for your kid
My mother called from San Jose on a Tuesday to warn me that wool would give my baby a rash that would scar him for life. The very next morning, my sister-in-law swore that unless I put him in thick...
The real deal about that green baby tee and toxic wellness fads
I was three hours into a night shift in the pediatric ER when a very tired, very trendy mom rushed in with an eight-month-old who was vibrating like a cheap pager. His resting heart rate was through the roof. After...
The reality of vintage infant dresses: A dad's survival guide
I'm currently sweating profusely in the back of a moderately priced Italian restaurant in zone three, trying to force a writhing twenty-four-month-old's chubby arm through a rigid sleeve made of 1950s stiffened lace. My daughter, sensing my rising panic, arches...
The Truth About Baby Overalls: Cute Or A Total Nightmare?
Before my oldest was born, I laid out this tiny, stiff pair of denim dungarees at my baby shower, just staring at how ridiculously tiny the pockets were. My mom took one look and said they were adorable and that...
The Brutal Truth About the Kinderkleiderbörse Bern Scene
The absolute biggest, most ridiculous lie Instagram tries to sell us is that to be a "good" mother, your baby needs a closet overflowing with pristine, tags-still-on aesthetic outfits in fifty shades of sad beige. I used to believe that...
The 3 AM Onesie Panic and the Magic of Japanese Baby Clothes
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday and I was wearing a pair of maternity leggings that had a crusty smear of Greek yogurt on the left thigh, staring down at my firstborn, Leo, who was screaming like I was...