Decoding Baby Vocals 3 Months In: A Nurse's Guide to Cooing
I was standing in the dark at three in the morning, holding a screaming potato of a human, trying to follow advice from a very expensive parenting app. The app told me that early language development requires measured, calm adult...
The Skilla Baby Shot Panic: What I Learned Googling Infant Vaccines
I was balancing my phone on my left knee at 2:13 AM while my 11-month-old used my collarbone as a temporary mattress. I was trying to look up the timeline for his next round of immunizations, but my thumb slipped...
Is That Milk Or Thrush? A Dad’s Guide To The White Tongue Panic
My mother-in-law told me it was just leftover milk and to leave it alone. The triage nurse on the pediatric hotline asked if my wife's nipples felt like they were on fire. A guy on a Portland dads' subreddit told...
Why Normal People Are Setting Up Trust Funds for Their Kids
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting at the kitchen table at 11:47 PM. You have stale Goldfish crumbs stuck to your sweatpants, you're surrounded by fifty half-packed Etsy resin orders, and you're hyperventilating while staring at a...
Dear Past Jess: Please Do Not Put On That Million Dollar Baby Film
Dear exhausted Jess from six months ago, You’re currently sitting on the beige sectional that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation. It's raining sideways here in rural Texas, your Etsy shop orders are backed up to the moon, and...
Baby Its Cold Outside: A Chicago Nurse's Winter Survival Guide
The wind coming off Lake Michigan felt like tiny shards of glass hitting my face. I was wedged in the back seat of my Honda CR-V, wrestling a screaming six-month-old out of a Michelin-man snowsuit while the heater blew pathetic...
Surviving The Baby Shoe Size Chart Without Losing Your Sanity
The rain was lashing against the window of the shoe shop on Oxford Street, creating a deeply depressing backdrop for what was rapidly becoming the worst Tuesday of my life. Twin B (Evie) was actively trying to consume a damp...
The Absurd Quest for Baby Boy Names Unique Enough Not to Be Steve
My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle at week twelve of the pregnancy to insist that strong, traditional English names like Arthur or George were the only guaranteed way to prevent a child from a life of petty criminality, while...
What a 1980s Movie Taught Me About Dads and Newborns
Dear Sarah from last October, You're currently sitting in the driver's seat of your Honda Odyssey in a Starbucks parking lot. You're wearing those black Lululemon leggings that have an unidentifiable crusty stain on the left thigh, clutching an iced...