The 3 AM baby doll lingerie search trap and safe sleep reality
My thumb hovered over the phone screen while my two-month-old used my left shoulder as a mattress. It was three in the morning. I was trying to remember if I gave him his baby d drops, while simultaneously trying to...
The 3 AM Nightmare of Putting Baby Doll Clothes on Tiny Plastic Arms
At 4:17 AM on a Tuesday, the ambient temperature in our living room was exactly 68.4 degrees. I know this because I was staring at the thermostat while sitting on the rug with a headlamp on, trying to thread a...
The Autocomplete Trap And Keeping Kids Off The Weird Internet
My phone slipped out of my hand and hit the kitchen tile at exactly 2:14 p.m. yesterday. I was trying to type baby doll into a search bar to find a birthday gift for my niece. The internet, in its...
Why Your Kid's Baby Doll Accessories Are Actually A Massive Deal
It was 2:15 PM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the living room rug in a pair of yoga pants that hadn't seen an actual yoga studio since roughly 2018. I was enormously pregnant with Leo, sweating through...
Surviving the American Girl Bitty Baby Hardware Update
It was 2:18 AM on a Tuesday. The ambient temperature in the nursery was exactly 68.4 degrees, according to the three different sensors I had calibrated that afternoon. I was executing a standard tactical stealth retreat after successfully resetting my...
The Terror Of Hyper-Realistic Dolls (And What Actually Works)
The woman at the Tesco checkout—her name badge said Sandra, and she looked like she'd already had a very long Tuesday—was staring at my left hand with the specific, wide-eyed horror usually reserved for hostage situations. I was currently trying...
Why Skipper Babysitters Inc Dolls Terrify Me As A Parent
I'm currently on my hands and knees in our London flat, using a high-powered camping headlamp to scan the living room rug for a piece of pink plastic no larger than a grain of rice. The grand parenting lie is...
The Messy Truth About That Cry Baby Doll You're Thinking of Buying
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently standing in the middle of Target, heavily pregnant with number three, staring at a wall of wide-eyed, plastic toys in fuzzy animal onesies while convincing yourself this is the magic bullet for...
A letter to myself before buying real life baby dolls for twins
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently standing at the kitchen island at 11:42 PM, holding a Stanley knife, staring at a cardboard box that just arrived from a specialty toy retailer. When you slice through that packing tape...