Magazine
The Justin Bieber Baby Sleep Hack That Would Have Saved My Sanity
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in 2017. I'm wearing hospital-grade mesh underwear and an oversized, stained promotional t-shirt from a local 5K I walked, like, three years ago. I'm sitting on the very edge of our mattress, violently sobbing...
When Ice Ice Baby Goes Wrong: Teething, Choking, and Cold Fails
I was standing in my kitchen at two in the morning in a ratty t-shirt, sweat dripping down my back because Texas in July is basically a swamp, watching a piece of ice slide out of my fingers and straight...
"I had a baby without you": The messy truth of solo parenting
The biggest myth about doing this alone is that it looks absolutely anything like the cinema. People type i had a baby without you full movie into their search bars late at night, expecting some sweeping romantic drama starring an...
Decoding the Relentless Midnight Screams of Your Tiny Human
Itβs 3:14 in the morning and both twins are vibrating with the kind of acoustic violence usually reserved for heavy metal festivals. I'm standing in the dark, rocking on my heels in a rhythm that has permanently damaged my lower...
Why I Spent Three Weeks Hunting for a Beanie Baby Birthday Twin
When I was pregnant with Maya, I was sitting on my living room floor in those terrible maternity leggingsβyou know the ones, the ones that pill between your thighs after literally three hours of wearβwhen I received three distinct, entirely...
The Exhausting Truth About Buying Baby Wipes in the Modern Age
It's 3:14 in the morning, the room smells vaguely of sour milk and despair, and I'm furiously yanking at a packet of supermarket wet cloths that have decided to chain themselves together like a magician's endless handkerchief. I only need...
The V1.0 Stroller Bug: Why My First Hardware Purchase Failed
It's 43 degrees, pouring that specific sideways Portland rain, and I'm violently kicking the back left wheel of a $900 piece of baby gear while my wife Sarah watches from the passenger seat of our Honda Civic. This was my...
The Truth About Surviving Your Own Baby Shower
I was thirty-one weeks pregnant, sitting on my incredibly dusty apartment floor in Chicago, staring at a mountain of tissue paper while my mother-in-law asked why I hated color. She had wanted royal blue balloons everywhere. I had asked for...
Surviving the baby shark song without losing your entire mind
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting in the pediatric ICU breakroom, eating a stale protein bar, pregnant, smug, and swearing your future child will only listen to classical music and ambient nature sounds. I need you to...