Magazine
How My Eleven-Month-Old Gained Root Access to Our Entire House
There was a spoon flying toward my left eye before I'd even managed to fully process that the coffee maker was empty. I ducked, the metal clattered against the stainless steel fridge, and my eleven-month-old son glared at me from...
Letter to My Past Self: Surviving Twin Girls and a Baby Cat
Dear Tom. You're currently standing in the kitchen at 4:13 AM holding a half-empty bottle of Calpol, shivering in your dressing gown, and staring at a tiny, bewildered creature that your wife just brought home in a cardboard box. You...
The Mobile Sleep Unit: What I Got Wrong About Baby Transport
The rain is coming down sideways in the Trader Joe's parking lot, and I'm standing next to the open trunk of my Subaru, violently jiggling the folding mechanism of a twelve-hundred-dollar rolling chassis while my eleven-month-old screams from the backseat...
Why Buying the Most Expensive Baby Camera Was a Huge Mistake
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when the siren went off. Iβm not talking about a gentle chime or a soft vibration on my nightstand. Iβm talking about a full-blown, submarine-going-down, red-alert wail coming from my phone that practically...
The Absurd Truth About The Baby Camel Trend Invading London
I was standing in a fiercely over-lit organic grocer in Hackney at 7:15 in the morning, holding a squirming toddler under one arm like a bag of wet cement, when I saw it. A tiny, violently expensive glass bottle labeled...
The Great First Birthday Smash Cake Disaster (And What I Learned)
There's a specific, deeply unsettling textural horror to finding mashed avocado and coconut cream crusted into your left eyebrow three hours after the guests have gone home. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, picking dried oat flour...
Dear Me: Surviving a Baby Brown Recluse Spider Scare in the Nursery
Dear Sarah from six months ago. You're currently standing in the laundry room at 2:14 AM wearing a milk-stained inside-out nursing tank and one sock. You're holding Maya's tiny pink shoe under the blinding fluorescent light, squinting at a squished...
The Midnight Baby Broccoli Incident And How We Survived
2:14 AM. Thatβs exactly when the smell hit me. It wasnβt a dirty diaper, though heaven knows I checked with the flashlight on my phone while trying not to wake my husband. It was this creeping, sulfurous cloud rising from...
Dear Past Marcus: Debugging the Baby Brezza Formula Pro Advanced
Dear Marcus from six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM. You're standing barefoot on the cold kitchen tiles of our Portland apartment, illuminated only by the aggressive, blinking red light of a plastic tower. You're holding a screaming five-month-old in...