Magazine

A tired dad inspecting a baby diaper under a smartphone flashlight.

Troubleshooting Green Baby Poop When You're Running on Empty

It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday when my iPhone flashlight illuminated a diaper that looked like it had been sponsored by a 1990s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figure factory. Neon, radioactive, undeniably green. I froze with a baby...

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Stressed mom holding coffee and looking at her phone next to a sleeping baby

The 2 AM Google Spiral About Baby Milestones

It was 2:14 in the morning on a Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday? Time doesn't actually exist when you've an eleven-month-old who treats sleep like a hostile negotiation. I was sitting on the floor of Maya's nursery, wearing Dave's grey zip-up...

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Infant sleeping soundly under a squirrel print blanket while twitching

I asked a doctor what do babies dream about and the truth hurts

It was three in the morning in our drafty Chicago apartment when my son let out a sound that was half-giggle, half-choke. I stood over his bassinet, gripping the edge like I was bracing for an earthquake. His eyes were...

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Toddler taking first steps outside wearing flexible soft sole baby sneakers on grass.

Why those stiff miniature adult sneakers are ruining baby feet

We were at Maggie Daley Park, right in the middle of a brutal Chicago November, and my son was bleeding from his mouth. I'd dressed him in these incredibly expensive, highly structured miniature basketball shoes. They looked exactly like my...

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A tired mom holding a silicone panda teether while her toddler dances in the living room

My Messy Guide to Surviving All Three Kinds of Baby Sharks

I'm standing in the downstairs bathroom at six in the morning, holding a plastic light-up dinosaur flashlight between my teeth, trying to pry my five-year-old's jaw open while he thrashes around like a feral raccoon trapped in a feed bin....

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Coffee cup next to a messy baby journal and uncensored baby steps

The Real Baby Steps Uncensored: Surviving the Messy Parenting Journey

My mother-in-law cornered me by the kitchen island last Thanksgiving while I was wearing a sweater that actively smelled like sour milk and told me that Leo’s occasional toddler swiping needed to be handled with "immediate, absolute authority." Two days...

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Exhausted dad staring at a laptop spreadsheet while holding a crying baby

Raising A Baby Hitler: Why I Stopped Tracking Cries And Held My Kid

Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM in your timeline, and I know exactly what you're doing. You're sitting in the glow of your laptop in the nursery, holding a screaming, five-month-old Maya, and you're logging...

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Close up of an eleven month old baby foot kicking on a wooden floor in Portland

Before and After: Debugging the Weird Hardware of a Baby Foot

Last Tuesday at 3 AM, I found myself holding my son's left ankle like I was inspecting a suspicious external hard drive, trying to figure out how his toes were suddenly jammed completely sideways inside his pajamas. The nursery monitor...

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Tired dad holding an eleven month old baby while looking confused at a laptop screen showing sleep data

How to Actually Troubleshoot Your Way to an Fantastic Baby

It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, the Portland rain was actively mocking my sanity against the bedroom window, and my 11-month-old was throwing a massive runtime error. I had tried the bouncing walk, the aggressive shushing, the weird yoga-ball-hip-sway...

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