The Big Baby Detergent Scam (And How I Actually Do Laundry)
I was standing in my laundry room at 3 AM in a pair of sour-milk-stained sweatpants, holding a twenty-four-dollar jug of baby detergent and straight-up sobbing. My oldest, Beau, was upstairs covered in angry red hives, and my mom was...
Dear Jess: The Unfiltered Truth About Buying Baby Detergent
Dear Jess from six months ago, I see you standing there in aisle 14 of the H-E-B in Corsicana, completely frozen. You've got your two-year-old hanging off the front of the shopping cart trying to eat a bruised banana, your...
Why I Stopped Buying $45 Polyester Baby Pumpkins (And What I Do Now)
There I was, sitting on the porch steps in the humid Texas heat, trying to pry a screaming six-month-old out of a rigid polyester pumpkin suit that somehow didn't have a single snap at the crotch. My oldest daughter—who's now...
System Failure: Searching for Baby Clothes Near Me in Portland
The sound was suspiciously similar to a ketchup bottle emptying its final contents, but we were miles from a diner and my eleven-month-old daughter was entirely too pleased with herself. We were at Mt. Tabor park, I was trying to...
The Honest Guide to Finding the Best Baby Bottles for Your Baby
It was 2:14 AM, the Texas summer heat was somehow still radiating through the walls, and I was standing in my kitchen in a milk-stained t-shirt having a full-blown breakdown over fifteen tiny pieces of plastic. My oldest, Carter, was...
The Ridiculous Truth About Buying Baby Uggs For Your Newborn
November 2017. I was sitting at a crowded Starbucks on 4th street, wearing yoga pants that were definitely covered in spit-up, frantically wrestling a tiny, caramel-colored sheepskin bootie onto seven-month-old Maya's left foot for the eighth time in twenty minutes....
The Truth About Zara Baby: Sizing, Shrinking, And Alternatives
When I was pregnant with my first, everybody and their mother had an opinion on how to dress a baby. My own mom, bless her heart, dragged me to the department store and loaded my cart with neon orange monkey...
The Brutally Honest Truth About the Nanit Baby Monitor System
When I was pregnant with my first, I got three entirely different pieces of advice about watching your kid sleep in the span of one afternoon. My mom, bless her heart, told me to just leave the bedroom door cracked...
Dear Past Marcus: Let's Talk About Baby Gold and Choking Hazards
Dear Marcus of six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting on the edge of the living room rug, staring at a tiny velvet box that Aunt Linda just handed you. Inside is a 14-karat baby...