Magazine
How To Survive An Angry Baby When You Are Losing Your Mind
My mother-in-law told me I was holding him too much and he was already "manipulating" me at four months old, which, like, how? My favorite Facebook mom group told me his root chakra was blocked and I needed to rub...
Surviving The Slippery Newborn Phase With A Mesh Seat
My knees were cracking against the cold hexagonal tile of our vintage Chicago apartment bathroom while I gripped a screaming, six-pound human who felt exactly like a wet football covered in olive oil. The tap was running. Steam was fogging...
Surviving a Taylor Swift Stadium Concert With a Baby in Tow
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold linoleum floor of the laundry room at 2 AM, hiding from your snoring husband, staring at three wildly expensive stadium tickets on your phone. You're hyperventilating because your...
The Ugly Truth About "Anchor Babies" and The 26-Year Wait
I was frantically dabbing at Zoe's birth certificate with a wet wipe this morning, trying to lift a very suspicious brown smear that was either Marmite or something far worse, when the radio started up with yet another political debate....
Surviving the American Girl Bitty Baby Hardware Update
It was 2:18 AM on a Tuesday. The ambient temperature in the nursery was exactly 68.4 degrees, according to the three different sensors I had calibrated that afternoon. I was executing a standard tactical stealth retreat after successfully resetting my...
Raising an AI baby: The 3 AM reality of smart nursery tech
I'm sitting on the edge of the nursery glider at 3:14 AM, toggling between an oxygen saturation graph and an algorithmic sleep predictor while my actual, physical child is currently gnawing on his crib rail. My phone screen is glowing...
The 3 AM rabbit hole of the Abby and Brittany Hensel baby rumors
The digital clock on the microwave said 3:14 AM. My toddler was currently executing a perfect structural collapse on the kitchen floor because his lower left molar was crowning. Getting a teething baby back to sleep is basically like triaging...
What Raising a Baby, a Billionaire, and Me Have in Common
I was six months pregnant with my oldestβwho, bless his heart, has become my walking cautionary tale for every single parenting mistake in the bookβwhen three completely different people cornered me at my baby shower with unsolicited advice on how...
How To Keep A Baby Alive: Sleep, Teeth, And The Absolute Chaos
It was exactly 3:14 AM, and I was standing in the middle of Leoβs nursery wearing a nursing bra that smelled distinctively of sour milk and Daveβs gray college sweatpants. I was sobbing quietly because I couldn't, for the absolute...