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Tired mom drinking cold coffee while her baby chews on a silicone panda teether

Doctor Boss Is My Baby Daddy and Other 3 AM Realities

Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, It's November 14th, 3:14 AM. You're sitting in the freezing corner of the nursery on that peeling faux-leather glider. You're wearing the grey Target nursing tank with the weird bleach stain on the...

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Exhausted dad holding a baby while looking confused at a laptop

Troubleshooting the Baby Boo Phase Without Losing Your Mind

I was holding exactly 14.5 ounces of lukewarm formula in one hand and a screaming, rash-covered 11-month-old in the other when my mother-in-law casually suggested I just rub some whiskey on his gums. The biggest myth about this whole parenting...

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A tired mom holding a chubby cheeked baby while drinking coffee.

What No One Tells You About Your Newborn's Literal Baby Face

It was 2016, and I was sitting on my incredibly disgusting beige couch at 3 AM. I was seven months pregnant with Maya, wearing a pair of maternity leggings that had a questionable hole in the crotch, and I was...

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Tired dad singing to his 11-month-old baby in a dark Portland nursery

Hush Little Baby Bribes: A Late Night Letter To My Past Self

Hey Marcus of exactly six months ago. You're standing in the dark right now, aren't you? It's 3:14 AM. The nursery thermostat reads exactly 68.4 degrees because you checked the app three times. Your left shoulder is completely numb, you've...

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A tired mother looking at a baby teeth chart while her toddler chews a toy

The baby teeth chart lie: What to expect when fangs arrive

I've got my knee gently pinning her left arm to the carpet, my elbow blocking her right, while I try to wedge a clean index finger past her lips. She has just ruined her first baby tee of the morning...

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A baby covered in meat juices chewing happily on a pork rib bone.

The Absurd Reality of Handing Your Infant a Rack of Baby Back Ribs

I'm sitting across the dining table watching one of my six-month-old twin daughters hold a massive, grease-slicked pork bone in her tiny, dimpled fist. She is gnawing on it with the intense, primal focus of a prehistoric hunter who has...

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A very tired father staring into the middle distance while holding a crying baby.

Decoding the Relentless Midnight Screams of Your Tiny Human

It’s 3:14 in the morning and both twins are vibrating with the kind of acoustic violence usually reserved for heavy metal festivals. I'm standing in the dark, rocking on my heels in a rhythm that has permanently damaged my lower...

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A tired dad holding a wooden baby gym while staring blankly at a tablet screen

The Baby John Phenomenon: Decoding Screen Time & Newborn Life

"Just put on that little animated kid, it's basically a mute button for crying," my lead engineer told me over Slack while I bounced a screaming infant on my knee. "If he looks at a screen before he's two, his...

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A tired twin dad holding two babies who are chewing on their organic cotton clothes.

The Great Baby Myth And Other Delightful Lies We Tell New Parents

At precisely 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, while scraping what I desperately hoped was mashed sweet potato off the nursery ceiling, I realised the central lie of modern parenting. Before the twins arrived, well-meaning relatives and aggressively pastel-coloured books...

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