Solly Baby Wrap Setup: A Dad's Guide to Not Dropping the Kid
It was raining, because it's always raining in Portland, and I was standing next to my Subaru holding a screaming eight-pound potato while seventeen feet of buttery soft fabric aggressively soaked up a puddle of dirty rainwater. My wife watched...
The Real Shiva Baby Dilemma: Taking Infants to Solemn Events
"Leave 'em at the house," my grandma told me over the phone, her voice crackling through the spotty rural Texas cell service. "Take them, babies represent the circle of life!" my mother-in-law insisted the very next day while aggressively shoving...
What no one tells you about bringing a jaundice baby home
My mother-in-law told me to put him in the living room window like a houseplant. The hospital lactation consultant told me to feed him until my nipples literally fell off. My deeply sleep-deprived husband downloaded three different tracking apps, poking...
Why the movie Gone Baby Gone triggered my newborn panic mode
The monitor was finally silent. Kabir had been fighting sleep for three hours, doing that rigid back-arching exorcist move every time I tried to lower him into the crib. My husband and I slumped onto the couch in the dark,...
The Erika Kirk Third Baby Rumour And My Doomscrolling Panic
Whatever you do, absolutely don't lie in bed at 4:13 in the morning with one eye clamped shut to preserve your night vision while violently trying to extract a heavily chewed dummy from beneath a sleeping toddler, only to open...
Troubleshooting Da Baby: A Clueless Dad's System Log
I was standing over the bassinet at 3:14 AM holding a digital meat thermometer near my son's forehead, completely convinced his baseline operating temperature was running too hot. He was wearing a heavy fleece onesie in late August because I...
How a 3AM "CD Baby" Mix-Up Accidentally Fixed Our Sleep
The nursery thermostat read exactly 69.5 degrees, the humidifier was pumping at a steady 40 percent output, and my 11-week-old daughter was emitting a continuous, high-pitched frequency that felt like it was physically vibrating my teeth. It was 3:14 AM...
The surgical reality of buying a baby alive doll for your kid
It's eleven at night. The lighting in my guest bathroom is deeply unflattering. I'm holding a pair of stainless steel tweezers in my right hand and my phone flashlight in my left. Pinned firmly beneath my elbow is a rigid...
The 2 AM Panic: When Your Little One Finally Flips Over
It was exactly 2:13 AM on a Tuesday when the illusion of control in my parenting life officially shattered. My oldest, Leoβwho's now five and still my primary cautionary tale for most things in lifeβwas three and a half months...