Why That Viral Bush Baby TikTok Is A Terrible Idea For Your Toddler
My cousin in Miami texted me a video of a tiny primate eating a grape on Tuesday and told me I should get one for Maya's second birthday. Three hours later, a girl in my local mom group forwarded the...
Dear past me: The ugly truth about the bitty baby
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the floor of the Target toy aisle while Maya has a full code blue meltdown over a generic plastic doll with terrifying eyelashes. You're rubbing your temples, staring at the...
The 3 AM pregnancy panic and why I downloaded the baby billy app
It's 3:14 AM. I'm thirty-three weeks pregnant, sweating through my supposedly breathable sheets, and my kid hasn't moved in forty-two minutes. My husband is snoring next to me, completely oblivious to the fact that I'm spiraling into a web of...
What No One Tells You About Your Newborn's Literal Baby Face
It was 2016, and I was sitting on my incredibly disgusting beige couch at 3 AM. I was seven months pregnant with Maya, wearing a pair of maternity leggings that had a questionable hole in the crotch, and I was...
Trump Baby Boomers Approval Rating: A Real Parent Survival Guide
Don't try to explain macroeconomic policy to your father-in-law while your toddler is currently trying to shove a fistful of buttered mashed potatoes up his own nose. Just don't do it. I learned this the hard way last Thanksgiving, standing...
A letter to myself about thrush in babies and the white spots
You're sitting on the edge of the glider at 3 a.m. with your phone flashlight pointed into a sleeping mouth. You're trying to pry his tiny jaw open without waking him, which is as impossible as it sounds. His lips...
The ugly truth about the peachy baby slime trend
My sister-in-law swore the viral slime was a sensory miracle that would make my toddler a genius. The neighborhood mom-group president warned us it was highly toxic chemical waste that would melt our floors. Then my old ER charge nurse...
The Real Shiva Baby Dilemma: Taking Infants to Solemn Events
"Leave 'em at the house," my grandma told me over the phone, her voice crackling through the spotty rural Texas cell service. "Take them, babies represent the circle of life!" my mother-in-law insisted the very next day while aggressively shoving...
How To Survive The Santa Baby Phase Without Losing Your Sanity
There I was, sweating profusely through my favorite flannel shirt in a seventy-five-degree Texas December, trying to wedge my screaming firstborn into a faux-fur trimmed sequin outfit while Eartha Kitt purred the santa baby lyrics from my phone speaker perched...