A London Dad's Nepo Baby Definition: Toddlers and Privilege
We're twenty-two minutes into the great Tupperware standoff of a rainy Tuesday morning. Maya is sitting on the rug, red-faced, grunting, and aggressively trying to pry the blue plastic lid off her container of blueberries. It's taking her forever, and...
Is the Nanit Pro Smart Baby Monitor Actually Worth the Price?
People love to tell you that dropping four hundred dollars on a high-tech camera is going to instantly cure your postpartum anxiety, but they're lying to your face. I bought into that myth completely with my oldest. Bless his heart,...
My Gangster Baby Daddy Pampers Me To Paradise: Real Dad Take
"Just let her sleep when the baby sleeps," my mom told me over FaceTime, which is mathematically impossible unless I also figure out how to sleep when the baby sleeps, and then who exactly is watching the dog or paying...
Commuter Train Chaos With An Infant And Other Truths
I'm standing on the train platform at 8:12 AM on a Tuesday, wearing a trench coat that has a crusty streak of spit-up on the left lapel, and I'm clutching a lukewarm coffee like it's a flotation device in open...
My Baby Girl Chinese Drama: A 3 AM Survival Guide for Tired Parents
The digital clock on the wipe-warmer we never use is flashing 3:14 AM in a vaguely aggressive neon green. I'm wedged in the nursing chair, which has somehow lost all lumbar support over the last two years. Matilda, twin A,...
Watching Movies Like Baby Driver When You Have Actual Babies
It's exactly 10:43 PM on a Tuesday. I'm wearing a faded nursing tank that lost all structural integrity sometime in 2021, and I'm sitting on the exact cushion of our IKEA sectional that smells faintly of old Cheerios and maternal...
The Truth About The Most Valuable Beanie Babies in Your Attic
It's 9:45 AM on a Tuesday, I'm wearing my husband Dave's absolute grossest college sweatpants with the hole in the knee, and I'm sitting cross-legged on the dusty floor of my mother's guest room staring at a giant, cracked Rubbermaid...
Why Treating My Infant Like A Little Primate Saved My Sanity
It was 3:17 AM. I was wearing a nursing tank top that smelled so aggressively of sour milk and desperation that Iβm pretty sure our dog was actively avoiding eye contact with me, and I was standing frozen over the...
Millie Bobby Brown's Adopted Baby Broke My Millennial Dad Brain
It's 3:14 AM and I'm currently trapped under twenty-two pounds of snoring infant who requires exactly 68.5 degrees ambient temperature to maintain his delicate sleep mode. I'm pinned to the nursing chair, my left arm has gone completely numb, and...