The Totally Unfiltered Truth About Raising a Newborn Baby Girl
I spent the first forty-eight hours of my oldest daughter's life absolutely terrified I was going to break her lady parts. Iβm just gonna be real with youβthe hospital nurses were wiping her down like it was no big deal,...
Is the Nanit Pro Smart Baby Monitor Actually Worth the Price?
People love to tell you that dropping four hundred dollars on a high-tech camera is going to instantly cure your postpartum anxiety, but they're lying to your face. I bought into that myth completely with my oldest. Bless his heart,...
My Baby Girl Chinese Drama: A 3 AM Survival Guide for Tired Parents
The digital clock on the wipe-warmer we never use is flashing 3:14 AM in a vaguely aggressive neon green. I'm wedged in the nursing chair, which has somehow lost all lumbar support over the last two years. Matilda, twin A,...
What To Know Before Buying The Expensive Mori Baby Sleepwear
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I had my phone flashlight clamped between my teeth like a miner digging for coal. My oldest son, Beau, was four weeks old and screaming with the kind of lung capacity that...
Note to Self: Surviving the Man Baby & What to Dress Them In
Dear Sarah from six months ago, Itβs 3:14 AM. You're currently sitting cross-legged on the floor of your sisterβs guest room wearing a pair of Daveβs old sweatpants with a questionable bleach stain on the knee and a nursing tank...
Why the Phrase Sleep Like a Baby is Actually a Massive Fraud
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and I was wearing Dave's old gray college sweatpants that smelled faintly of sour milk and desperation. I was just staring blankly at the ceiling fan in our bedroom, listening to...
Why your favorite audio show won't patch your infant's firmware
Itβs 3:17 AM. The Portland rain is aggressively smacking against the kitchen window. I've exactly one AirPod in, listening to some pediatric sleep guru explain the best ambient temperature for a nursery, while my sonβan 11-month-old dictator I lovingly refer...
The 45-Minute Fakeout: Surviving The Twilight Sleep Phase
It was 7:42 PM on a Tuesday. I know this because the microwave clock was glaring at me in neon green, mocking the mug of coffee I had reheated four times since noon and still hadn't taken a single sip...
System Failure: A First-Time Dad's Guide to the Kyte Baby Sale
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, I'm writing this to you as you sit at your dual-monitor setup at 9:58 AM on a Thursday, sweating through your gray Portland Timbers t-shirt. You've got three browser windows open, your credit...