The Myth of the Super Baby: What I Wish I Knew Six Months Ago
It's three in the morning. I'm sitting on the nursery rug, holding a high-contrast black-and-white flashcard of a geometric panda mere inches from my son's face. He is not looking at the panda. He is deeply, profoundly interested in the...
The Sweet Baby Inc Panic: Why I Thought Our Nursery Was Compromised
I was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the nursery at 3:14 AM, frantically scanning the back of an organic lotion bottle with my phone flashlight, convinced I had somehow introduced a catastrophic vulnerability into our household infrastructure. My eleven-month-old...
The truth about claiming the Target baby registry welcome kit
My mother-in-law told me I had to physically march up to the customer service desk, show them my pregnancy app, and politely demand my gift bag. My best friend swore the whole thing was an internet myth because her local...
What The Lil Durk Baby Mama Drama Taught Me About Co-Parenting
My mom sat me down at the kitchen table over a plate of lukewarm eggs and told me to just smile and wave politely at my husband's ex during drop-offs, like I was the grand marshal of a small-town parade....
Raising a Jimbo Boss Baby: Firmware Updates for Heavy Infants
The blue line on the pediatricianβs monitor shot up into the top right quadrant like a server load graph during a DDoS attack. I adjusted my glasses. My wife shifted in her chair. Our 11-month-old son sat on the examination...
The jason lee and tiffany haddish baby rumour broke my brain
Whatever you do, don't look at celebrity Instagram accounts at three in the morning while one of your two-year-olds is actively trying to dismantle a stair gate with a plastic spoon. I made this massive mistake last August, which is...
What A Million Dollar Baby Actually Costs (And Sounds Like)
Traffic on Lake Shore Drive is at a dead stop. My toddler is aggressively kicking the back of my seat in perfect time to the bass thumping from the radio. It's that Tommy Richman track. You know the one. Before...
UPPAbaby Cruz V2: What I Wish I Knew Before The Registry Panic
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting at the kitchen island at 2 AM. Dave is snoring upstairsβa sound that's somehow migrating through the floorboardsβand you're wearing those hideous grey sweatpants with the bleach stain on the...
The Wheeled Menace: Surviving the Push Walker Baby Era With Twins
It was 4:17 PM on a rainy Tuesday when I found Molly wedged firmly beneath the living room radiator, her lower half encased in a brightly coloured plastic UFO that was loudly playing a tinny electronic version of "Old MacDonald."...