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The Messy Truth About When Your Baby Finally Learns to Sit Up
I was sitting on the cold linoleum floor of a slightly damp church basement wearing yoga pants that hadnβt seen a yoga studio since Obama was in office, staring at a six-month-old named... Brayden? Jayden? Let's go with Jayden. Jayden...
When Do Puppies Lose Their Baby Teeth? An Exhausted Mom's Guide
Yesterday at the feed store, old man Miller told me to just give our new mutt pup an old leather work boot to chew on and call it a day. Then I check my phone and my sister texts me...
What An Overdue Celebrity Baby Taught My Debugging Brain
The time was 3:14 AM, and the only sound in our Portland apartment was the rhythmic, aggressive squeak of a purple yoga ball against the hardwood floor. My wife was violently bouncing on it, trying to physically dislodge our stubbornly...
Why Babies Hiccup Constantly (And How to Actually Troubleshoot)
I was holding a plastic spoon with exactly one drop of literal hot sauce on it while my wife Sarah stared at me from the rocking chair like I had lost my mind. My mother-in-law had just texted me a...
How to Survive the Witching Hour Baby Meltdowns Without Losing It
My mother-in-law swore my son's evening screaming fits meant my breastmilk was literally too thin. The lactation consultant I paid two hundred dollars to see said he was cluster feeding and I just needed a better nursing pillow. A girl...
Why "Yes Baby Madison Beer" Is Not A Sleep Training Guide
The biggest lie we tell ourselves as modern parents is that the internetβs search bar is a safe space so long as it contains the word "baby." I learned this the hard way last Tuesday afternoon, sitting on the edge...
Why That Cry Baby Album By Melanie Martinez Is Not For Kids
I run a small Etsy shop making custom embroidered baby items, and about two weeks ago, I got the weirdest message. A customer wanted me to stitch the words "Sippy Cup" and "Cry Baby" in dripping black gothic letters across...
Lil Baby Harvard: Raising a tiny genius without losing your mind
Within forty-eight hours of bringing the twins home, I received three distinct pieces of unsolicited advice regarding their future intellectual dominance. My mother-in-law arrived with a set of high-contrast Mandarin flashcards (I speak passable French; my wife speaks sarcasm). Our...
The hilariously chaotic quest to find a safe lil baby album
I was sitting in the dark at half past midnight on a Tuesday, entirely covered in what I deeply hoped was just pureed parsnip from dinner, trying to complete a simple parental task. The twins, Florence and Matilda, had finally...